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Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from ashez
Review:
Ah, that's satisfying. I've been waiting for that Fury scene since the beginning of the fic.
Comments from author:
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Review By [ashez] • Date [19 Dec 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from warfolomei
Review:
I really should stop going online in the middle of the night, but there was no resisting this last possibility to reply.
O.O WOW .. well this is awkward... because I tried everything in my powers to make him the focal point of a .. well .. war ... so yeah, your way would fit more with the story.
Hope there was at lest some useful information from all that typing ;_;
If someday you decide to write another crossover, then o_- wink*wink*
Continue with the good work and write lots.
Comments from author:
There was some pretty useful stuff, as I said, your description of the teleporter accident was inspired, but I'm afraid that, odds are, I won't get the chance to use this idea. I've just got too much on my plate. But if you really do wanna see this idea come to fruition, then why not try your hand at writing it yourself?
Review By [warfolomei] • Date [11 Dec 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from warfolomei
Review:
Oh that's not an 'amplifier', what you are describing is a 'drive'. And seriously ... Captain America ? So.. he ignores his pain, by receiving even more significant amount of pain ? Shouldn't it depend on the person; Cap is a trained soldier, no stranger to pain and winner of the unic super soldier program. Wouldn't ten/twenty seconds be better for normal humans (who are practically the same on the genetic level) and ... oh .. wait a second, I think I am getting something.. it overwrites the ''x-gene''/DNA(serum and what other powers there are) proportionality into a more 'last stand' scenario. Holy crap this just got awesome. OK.. here is where I try to explain why it got that way.
Firstly now it becomes a double edged sword. This new 'last stand'.. that doesn't sound awesome enough.. let's call it 'overdrive'. Xander is still a Cleric, but with support ability that was based on his previous origin. He supported/lifted others spirits, by giving them that second breath (getting buffy out of her funk, encouraging other people and so on). So while going trough the change, his support ability was based on those who went trough the gate .. in other words humans.... and residual energy from the hellmouth in himself. Let's use every mutants/super/mystic on earth as an example. We add X to any one of them, but having no knowledge of how they're anatomy works it does the only thing Xander knows how to do, it energies their spirits. Or overwrites their current existence into their spiritual clarity. Spirit and body are not the same, so they would feel no pain... they would lose their abilities, but would be able to break their human limitations. So beaten up Cap, while been super human turns into a normal human at the peak of his existence and mindset. Who despite the damage, would be able to go for a second round with the idea that he will win no matter the opposition. With the aftershock of what you described. Xander powers still work as we previously discussed, but now it fits more with his human nature. Did that make any sense to you ? Wait.. crap... this is more of a spiritual power and not mutation.-.- o.o O.O Ki center points... OMG how could I have forgotten about them...Mind over Body, it activates the unused neurons and drives (overdrive.. oh yeah) the body to a master level condition (Iron Fist, V for Vendetta, Bruce Lee) Holy shit.. it activates the unused potential, giving power without knowledge how to use it. OMG it could actually bring vampires back to live for a limited amount of time and be killed with normal weapons, with this he could even kill marvel zombies....
Well your way works too, just give more time to supers. If it's just skin to skin reaction.. what would a kiss do O.O Don't forget ''accidental'' uses.

Yeah, the whole new ''mutant'' revelation is confusing me a bit. According to new info.. they are just leftovers.
Let's think from the standpoint of a young Xander, because you describe him as his older version. Would he pick S.H.I.E.L.D. over his friends ? This version of Fury is on the side of humanity, everyone else is just means to an end. So let's say after the first serious battle in the end of Ultimates, Nick goes trough the aftermath and notices that human soldiers are not enough anymore. Been a man with a belief that if they are able, no matter the gender, be useful to the cause .. he would use them, even if it makes him the devil, as long as the people of USA are safe. Now what if someone reminds him of slayers, a born warriors with instant training, young girls who can be easily manipulated. The only problem of singularity, but now he knows about Xander braking the chain and doing something that everyone said been impossible. Probably having agents in Watcher council and the list of potentials in his hands... would he be able to resist ? If the kids manage to activate them, what a willing organization could do ? How about a super witch, en souled vampires and werewolves? Would Xander let those girls be soldiers in upcoming war or fight to let them live their normal lives ? The point is, would Xander choose Fury over his friends ? Who would be strong enough to help him save his friends ?
Mystic is not that important, she just an interesting character that isn't used much in fanfiction. Just don't forget ''he only dates woman who are stronger than him'' gimmick ^^ if you put him with someone >.>
Comments from author:
You know what? I'm sorry, but this whole 'amplifier'/'overdrive' idea is just getting too complex, and truthfully? I can't think of a way to use it without it becoming a central point of the story, which would require me to change more than a few things in order to make it work, so I've decided that I won't be using it in this story. Instead, I've chosen to use the speed as his 'true power', and give something about Xander's desire to not be left behind by his friends, who, at this stage in his life, are all moving on to bigger/better things. It was a very interesting idea though, and I thank you for sharing it.
Review By [warfolomei] • Date [10 Dec 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from warfolomei
Review:
Acceptable outcome >.<

Well, yeah.. while he is young. Probably gets worse as he grows older.

It's so confusing that it actually makes sense in implausible kind of way. Pretty much the only explanation I have for it, even marvel added some magic to the whole radioactive spider mythos.

At least got you thinking about it, cos I can't stop. After some trough research, there were only a couple of instances that could be found with similar circumstances and both happened in canon universe. So now you have an almost original power, that not only makes him personificate the term sidekick, but be his true ultimate mutation.

Can you make an example, does it affect their powers or just the power of the output ?
Mystic normally can imitate people with close enough mass and height, add X and she can become bigger (She-Hulk) and a bit stronger with the added muscle. Prodigy, add X and he can access most of the borrowed knowledge. Because I think we are talking about the same thing and I am just explaining it wrong T.T

Not a mutant, but who is close enough and can be of a great accet to them .. IF you take this approach. She would probably go with anything to make Xavier suffer. Not to mention her dormant motherly instincts, but there are so many versions that I get confused about her personality.
Comments from author:
Okay, an example of the 'amplifier' power, kinda hard to describe but I'll do my best. Basically, it isn't targeted at superhuman abilities, but is rather targeted on giving energy to the whole body, like, say, if Captain America where beaten down into the dirt, too pained or too exhausted to keep going, Xander could give him a shock that would eradicate his exhaustion and give him the energy to ignore his pain and go in for round two, problem is that it comes with a pretty significant amount of pain for the duration, lasts only about ten/twenty seconds, and would leave him temporarily paralysed after which as his body tries to recover from the damage caused.

The thing with this though, is that it won't be a main 'power' that Xander is able to use regularly on others, due to the previously mentioned side-effects. And it'll be more like a last resort kind of weapon after most everything else hasn't worked.

As for Mystique, the way I see her (for the Ultimate-verse at least) is that she wants two things. The first is to hurt Xavier, and the second is to see Magneto's dream turn reality, neither thing can/will Xander help her with, making him useless to her, especially considering he is not a mutant.
Review By [warfolomei] • Date [9 Dec 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from warfolomei
Review:
Ok, so the output can be rationalized. But you kind of missed my point, it doesn't explain how he brakes newton's second law of proportionality. According to the story it seems that he doesn't accelerate, but slows time around himself. Which would explain why he can stop so suddenly without causing proportional mass continuation. In other words, what happens when race car suddenly uses brakes after making a round at top speed ... -.- or am I nitpicking at the universe where people can emit beams of energy from their eyes ? and suddenly this conversation went into frightening directions T.T

True, but I think it was more of a writers chose. They had enough drama with Ben, so who wants to see emo Johnny brooding around?

YES, because I do believe you can really make this story work without completely copying Surge. Here I shall try to elaborate that idea a little bit more, just to make it sound a little bit more plausible. The ability doesn't turn it's victims into equal Captain America's, but like the serum that was given to him, it amplifies the already existing talents to a larger degree (for a limited amount of time).

Positive.
Mutant will get a power boost.
Humans main ability is amplified.

Negative.
Limited amount of time, continuing supply would have to come from X.
Possible addiction.
Increased strain on the users body, putting it over the limits. Results can be devastating.

Here is the best part. You ?unknowingly? made it possible. Again, misdirection. Let's start from the beginning. This is pretty much how I see it, so our process may differ.
One way or the other what happened, according to comic logic, is that teleportation changed their "phase space condition". It's kind of like hellmouth, which alters supernatural (no matter the source) into more accommodating/demonic elements to fit with it. In other words teleportation would have been successful, they just wouldn't have survived the transition, so it had to mutate/change them into someone who could. But it had to be ''fitting'' transformation, that would not kill them in reentry and keep their ''souls'' relatively in the same mindset. But humans are unique and here the existence of magic helps, morphing their ''spirits'' into needed form;

Reed is a typical workaholic who try's to do more than humanly possible, by ''stretching'' himself all over the place. But personal limitations (eating, sleeping etc) hampered the progress.
Susan a born prodigy, trying to ''blend in'' with normals or ''bend'' them to her needs and so on...if you get my point.

Xander comes into equation. Let's just imagine that in every possible alternate reality, good or evil, normal or abnormal ...his strongest quality is some form of support, like it's hard coded into his existent (soldier who follows orders, vampire who follows the rules, hyena in a pack). What version would fit someone like that and still keep him alive trough the ''gate'' ? Like with everyone else it must be singular but branching, useful to him but not overwriting his base structure. What do we know about main stream Xander ?
He is laid back, but overreacts in certain situations and loses his temper... not the smartest person in the world, but still uses his wit for battle. Who, with almost no care for his own well being, in a rush of adrenaline runs into or from danger almost on instinct.
So an ability that would support others, uses his brain to get out of the sticky situations and helps with running. Adrenaline can be used, but major changes to the brain would be required, but it would collide with the idea of keeping the previous personality intact... how about neurons (apparently we have lots of them) changing human body into generator to reproduce more of them. Accelerated neuron grow generator. That can be used to power-up/''support'' others and amplify his human ability of ''running''. Here is where it gets a bit tricky (yeah I know), Reed would have probably noticed it but he was busy with Ben and Susan in a state clouded by hostility (among other things) dismissed it as a normal power generator and not an amplifier. So now when Xander concentrates on a higher output, his real power leaks in a form of electricity. To normal eyes it's a stun weapon, which is true but not in the same way they think. During his first battle with big monster, what if he didn't stun it but accelerated it's synapses, making the brain shut down to protect itself. While unconscious the creature still powered up enough to show the ability to generate it's own electricity, but was knocked down by Ben before it could fully manifest and was dismissed as an aftershock. X would have to be touching skin for it to work, which would explain why it didn't work on Ben (while he was attached to him) and Doom (been covered by resisting material). It would explain shock wave as leaked discharge and hair color by hair cells been affected by different kind of neurons.

What .. NO.. no pairing, she is a bit old for him, even Anya was in a teenagers body (but they are a bit similar). I meant more of a friend who try's to lead him to a ''dark side''.
Comments from author:
Yeah, you are nitpicking just a little considering the nature of the universe they exist in. Let's just say that his acceleration/deceleration periods are, for lack of a better term, highly accelerated, to the point where nobody is really able to notice them.

That and Johnny probably just didn't care, considering his 'drawback' pretty much just involved a few hours to nap every now and then while his skin cells replaced themselves.

As for the ability, well, first off I really like the way that you've described the 'phase-shift accident', but also, if-- and I feel I must stress the 'if' as this is still just a possible idea for the story-- I choose to give Xander the 'amplifier' ability, I think it will be a bit different to how you've described it. First, it won't so much boost abilities, but rather boost energy reserves (think caffeine high combined with a sugar rush, all mixed in with the miracle that is adrenaline), and second, the side-effects would probably involve severe pain during usage (lightning coursing through your veins can't be pleasant), as well as temporary paralysis once it's worn off, making it a last ditch effort kind of thing.

As for Mystique, sorry for misinterpreting your original question, but I still can't picture her as a friend, not even one attempting to 'tempt him to the dark side', especially considering that Xander is not a mutant in this story.
Review By [warfolomei] • Date [9 Dec 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Five" from warfolomei
Review:
O.O Oh no.. I didn't meant that. Butting heads with Fury would be more fun, even if he is wrong. Damm, bring the whole helicarrier down if the show comes to push or was it if push comes to shove ?

It's good he got exhausted from using his ''shock wave'', but running around didn't seem to have any effect.

Well not limitations per'se, but more of a negative repercussions that became more apparent trough the storyline;
-Grimm is the obvious one .. almost nothing can penetrate his skin, so he is left without any skin sensitivity (which is a much bigger problem than it sounds) and deep psychological trauma that followed that realization.
-Reed no longer needs to eat nor sleep, and has no internal organs or bones...emotions take a sidestep and the only thing that drives him forward is his brain.
-Johnny has detrimental effects on his body, inability to sustain any fat and literally burning himself out of energy that leaves him exhausted most of the time.. the idea of been a superhero drives him forward.
-Susan mental strains are no laughing matter, causing her to black out sometimes. The problem that will probably grow exponentially as she becomes stronger.

and because I can't sop butting in .. and having no comprehension on how you will develop this story... let me put my own 2 cents. As you said ..we misunderstood Xanders power, what if F4 did the same (electricity and speed been just a side effect). Let's put it into RPG balance party to understand this better;
Grimm (Fighter) - combat abilities
Susan (Bard) - a cross between thief and mage
Reed (Scholar) - mind is a weapon
Johnny (Magic User) - yeah I know, took me a while too.. he got ''magic'', that leaves him physically weak after use.
So it would leave Xander as a CLERIC with supportive abilities (which kind of fit him) O.O then I started thinking ''what does generator's do ? .. Convert energy... but into What ?'' and then it hit me .. more useful form of energy... what IF, he is meant to ''power up''/amplifie others, with drawback of possibly killing whoever it was used on in larger quantities O.O Magneto would wet his pants from excitement, not to mention others. How do you feel about Mystique (Anyanka anyone ?)

Not really, just girls with guns in general ^^
Comments from author:
He gets exhausted from using the 'shock wave', rather than his speed, because when using the 'shock wave', he is forcing his electricity out into the air, which is a terrible conductor at the best of times, and, as such, requires a lot more power in order to work, whereas his speed requires significantly less of his energies, as he is simply internalising it.

You've got a point with the negative repercussions, although I think that you're exaggerating Johnny's, his effects were never really touched upon after that one N-Zone storyline, but I can't really think of any at the moment that could be applied to Xander's abilities.

Well, I have very little knowledge of RPGs, but I think I get what you mean, and now that you mention it, I do kinda like hat 'power up/amplify' ability you described. I might use it later on, or at least something similar, as it really does add a new dimension to the Fantastic's lineup, as well as giving Xander something 'unique' to contribute for later on.

How do I feel about Mystique? As a character, I like her, as a possible pairing for Xander (which, from your 'Anyanka' comment, is what I assume you're asking), I don't.
Review By [warfolomei] • Date [8 Dec 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Six" from warfolomei
Review:
Well, it could have worked in original Marvel universe. Here most population views them as a waste of money, so press would try and ridicule every little detail of the official S.H.I.E.L.D./Ultimates ''representative'' . TV viewers, adults who don't understand what happened to him would see it as a rebellious act and a wild cannon personality (without the appropriate uniform...) let's not forget teenagers, have you ever heard of a popular blue headed student in school? In the end it would just hurt the image and make him, as you pointed out, a joke with dangerous powers. How about making it shorter ?

Good to know he is not just Johnny's copy, but superspeed without drawbacks seems like cheating (thirst just isn't enough). You need to put some limitations on him, or otherwise this is going to get lost with many other super!xander fics.
Thor is stronger and Quicksilver is the fastest person alive (if you will use him),so he doesn't seem to add anything new to the team. They wouldn't view X as a member, but more of a kid/sidekick they have been stuck with, again press is pretty good at catching those things. But if he would do something heroic ,with some other less known team, they would take him more seriously (scoobies don't really count).
In the end there are ways, magic and ACME products, to stop speedrunners ... who relay too much on that ability and get caught in the stupidest ways. C-guns would let him save power (Doom), not to mention other benefits without diminishing his speed ability. Imagine how accurate he can be with all that adrenaline slowing the world around him. How about other gadgets;for example burst shoes to help him jump higher or between buildings.
Hups, yeah Faith... if you recruit (the TRUE current slayer to deal with supernatural problems) after she wakes up, who would monks choose; a teenager who barely manages her life without her friends or a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent (Faith in a uniform wielding heavy machine gun O.O) with Ultimates behind her ? ... if you get that far.
Or maybe I am just overthinking it.
Comments from author:
Truthfully, that's one of the reasons that I like Xander having the blue hair. It seems to emphasise that innate oddness, or whatever, about him, and the fact that it may not be instantly well received by everybody actually just furthers my intentions of trying not to make this Xander into a Xander-Sue.

As for limitations, well, none of the Fantastic Four ever experienced serious 'limitations', aside from Ben obviously. But, seriously, their powers don't have any significant drawbacks on them, and aside from sheer exhaustion and the basic limitations of electrical conduction there isn't much I can do to change that.

Concerning what he may have to offer, well, Thor isn't actually a part of the team at this point in time, (as the Hulk fiasco, which draws him in, has yet to happen), and neither is Quicksilver. And, though both likely will join later on, that doesn't change the fact that Xander's powers are very new to the current incarnation of the team. And as to how they may view him, well, they aren't going to instantly take a shine to him, that was never my intention, and he isn't really supposed to be there to befriend them anyway, though he likely will befriend at least a few of them, and his actions in later chapters will at least allow them to consider him an equal on the battlefield.

Also, yes, there are ways to stop Road Runners, but they're kind of a necessity, because otherwise the speedsters would be unstoppable. And Xander likely will come to rely on his speed, and other abilities, as anyone would given the situation. Gadgets, I'm afraid, are out, as they simply serve to diminish any limitations that I'm trying to put in place, in order to avoid the 'Super Xander' you previously mentioned, although I may put in some pseudo-scientific babble about his electrical aura disrupting any gadgetry and whatnot that is exposed to it for any lengthy period of time in order to explain this lack of weaponry.

Given that last paragraph, I'm guessing you're a Faith fan? Don't worry, I do have plans for Faith, though it's kinda doubtful that she'll be getting any screen time in any upcoming chapters. Although Dawn, should I get that far, likely will remain with Buffy, as rewriting her as Faith's sister would fundamentally alter both of their characters to a much greater degree than I am prepared to change.
Review By [warfolomei] • Date [7 Dec 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from warfolomei
Review:
O.O This was better than I though and just screams with potential. A bit rough tie-in, but possible. Fitting power and not too over the top, compared to other characters.
Have to agree with Letomo on the inconsistencies with his powers. Shouldn't his skin react somehow to the new biology (color, cracks) ? Blue hair just seems silly for this ''more realistic'' ULTIMATE universe (it barely worked for Noriko) . Loosing all hair would have made much more sense and let his eyes represent that ''spark'' . Wasn't Torch capable of controlling fire from other sources in Ult. Spider-man crossover ? So does that mean Xander can suck energy from living creatures and just for laughs, see electric currents ? Ult. Electro and Cole (Infamous) seem like fitting examples. Does he have Wolverine-healing with that speed ?
How about Fury putting a tracking/draining collar on Xander, so that he couldn't be able to move around without supervision ?

Some requests/recommendations.
Please don't put him into tights with shiny colors, give him a S.H.I.E.L.D. or SWAT uniform (e. Wesley Gibson suit from Wanted comics). Some ''conduit'' guns, so he could discharge stun or lethal bioelectricity.
I just don't see Xander fit with the Ultimates right now. How about some training or putting him on a test team with more-his-age special recruits. Meeting/recruiting Fate before she came to SunnyD and wouldn't S.H.I.E.L.D be a better safe place for Dawn/Key ?
The villain idea is awesome and MUST not be forgotten. Just imagine Xander been betrayed, accused of been an enemy of the state, going into hiding , gathering his own rogue team and trying to clear his name. Fanboy in me is just salivating from excitement.
Comments from author:
Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

As to the inconsistencies, well, maybe his skin should have been altered like Electro's, but I didn't want to give Xander a serious physical mutation, as it would force me to change the story. As for the hair, well, I actually have a pseudo-scientific explanation for that, but it really is just for laughs anyway.

As for the possibility of him manipulating other sources of electricity, I think that a lot of you are misunderstanding Xander's powers, believing him to be nothing more than an electric version of Johnny, but he isn't, he has his own powers that are expressed in different ways. Xander won't be able to 'suck energy' from people, though I may have him seeing/feeling electric currents. And there's a definite no on the Wolverine-healing. He gets hurt, it may heal at an unusual rate due to his altered physiology, but a scar won't close up in seconds and a broken bone won't heal in minutes. The tracking collar is planned for the next chapter, though it's more one of those house arrest anklet things.

To the requests/recommendations.
He'll likely just continue to use his impact suit for missions, though the S.H.I.E.L.D. people may have to add something to make it more 'appealing to the public'.
The 'conduit guns' are being considered, but honestly I don't really want Xander to be zapping people from a distance, as it kinda makes his speed a little redundant.
Xander probably won't 'fit' with the Ultimates, but he's not there to 'fit' in social situations. He's there to be shoved to the front of the group in a press conference and to talk to the media as 'one of them', and /maybe/ help out if there's a crisis situation.
Meeting/recruiting Fate before SunnyD... I assume you mean Faith? Sorry, but this is set after season three, which means that Faith is currently in a coma.
Concerning Dawn/Key, well, that's a complicated question. I'm not even sure yet if I want to get that far in the series, and even if I did, I'd need a reason for the Monks to send the Key, a ball of mystical energy, to anyone but 'the Slayer', who they are aware of as the world's greatest defence against the supernatural, and thus the best chance for stopping Glory.
The Villain idea is awesome, and it's one that I do like, but it's just not the story that I want to write.
Review By [warfolomei] • Date [5 Dec 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from Letomo
Review:
Mmmm. Interesting story. I liked the tie-in with the FF, and the more natural way Xander was doing things that led to him getting caught in range.

His powers are nicely thought out, though he has a lot of potential. Shoot, if you need a conductor for best use, carry some wire and metal rods. Not to mention that while Doom apparently doesn't feel the electricity, he would still be getting magnetized, and thus attracting or repeling all other magnetically affected metals. Also, speed is underestimated. Forget the tricks. The army drops him off, an hour later, he's back in Sunnydale. Or Vegas. Or where-ever. He is his own getaway car. Why in the world would he stick around to fight normal humans?The speed of sound isn't that slow. Really, it isn't. Think about car racing - and they move at a fraction of the speed of sound. A good fraction, but only a fraction.

I do think Fury may have made a mistake. Xander is the goofball. Xander is the loyal guy. Xander is the one with minimal hand-to-hand. Xander is the one with barely passing grades.

Xander is the Heart. Xander WILL NOT let down a friend. Xander is the one with military knowledge, and the one that handled tactics at Graduation. Xander is the one that took those classes the same as Willow, probably AP. Oh, and he has random trivia stuffed in his head about the supernatural, like the words for Apocalypse.

Hmm, what if he decided to spill the beans on about the 3rd or 4th interview?

See, for me, watching the show, the defining moment in his character wasn't the Zeppo, but a little earlier. He and one of the girls [can't recall if it was Willow or Cordelia] were checking for a new Fledge Vamp in a funeral home. He was knocked away, then the Fledge had the girl on the ropes, about to drain her, when Xander calmly killed it, with a nearby wood sign, placed the sign back, helped the girl up, and acted like it was no big deal. That was just what he had to do. So, he did it.
Comments from author:
Ah, right, I think I know the scene you're talking about, but I think it was actually Buffy that he saved. As for the characterisation of Xander, you do have a pretty good point, but Fury isn't basing his decision to recruit Xander on his hand-to-hand fighting skills. As was said in the last chapter, Fury's doing it because a)he's powers are very useful, and b)Xander is likeable and the Ultimates need a public face.

You do have a point on the speed thing, and that will be more touched upon later, and so will the possibility of him spilling the beans.
Review By [Letomo] • Date [2 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from DeaconKrow
Review:
Great story. I just found it and I like. Can't wait to read more.
Comments from author:
Thanks, glad to hear it.
Review By [DeaconKrow] • Date [29 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from sunamee
Review:
Great story. I look forward to the next update.
Comments from author:
Thanks, glad you're enjoying it.
Review By [sunamee] • Date [29 Nov 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from GiantMonkeyMan
Review:
Part of me wants to see the first idea, the idea of using Xander as an opponent to the Ultimates, because it sounds like an awesome story.
Comments from author:
Yes, but it would be over far too quickly. It'd go exactly as Fury said it would, with Xander getting shot at by the military until the Ultimates got called in, with him getting a few shots in as he tried to explain himself before Cap finally beat him into submission with an insulated suit. After that Xander would have a very public trial before spending the rest of his days in the Triskelion. I admit, it probably would be an interesting story, but it's just not the one that I'm writing.
Review By [GiantMonkeyMan] • Date [27 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from Kaosreign
Review:
Well nce more you have given me mised feelings regarding your work...man you are good if you can do that!

First i would like to apologize for mixing up the appearance of the thinker you were right it was after the trip to the N-zone. My bad it has been a while since i read Ultimate comics.

Now then about the chapter, and i hope i do not offend anyone by any comments since i am going based on my observations, starting with Fury´s supposed version of Xander´s evil.

1.- I think Xander should have shown at least a bit more back bone against Fury´s accusations, especially after that Jessie comment since that was the event that made him join the fight. Also i don´t think eyewitness reports actually hold a candle when the witnesses are fleeing for their lives from either a giant blue smurf who burns the humanity out of you or a whale size snake and an army of demons and vampires bent on making a meal out of you. As for stealing the launcher yeah i can deal with that...Stupid army grunt rating out a Corporal.

2.- I will concede the Hyena incident that lead to the attack and death of Fluttie is suspect, however Xander was not present during that event and the teens were already agressive before Xander was possesed as they were bullying someone, the only thing he did do that was violent was eating poor Herbert the Pig...raw, i mean who the hell eats pig raw even when possesed?

3.- The killing of the Coach could be passed off as self defense since he had a gun and bashed him in the head with a pipe, also Buffy was present so she should have been in any report made as backing up such a claim.

4.- O´Toole was not his friend and frankly made him get involved at knifepoint until they threaten to turn him into a zombie. Also someone saw them at the cemetery...at night? In Sunnydale? Home of all the things that go bump in the night? Sorry but right there is a load of crap, even the cops don´t leave their cars at night unless their rookies or know too much.

While Jacks buddies, who by the way more than likely left a mess when they rose from the grave, were dealt with by Xander...at night i say once more. Jack was killed by Oz the Werewolf, so there were no misterious animal attacks? or the fact that there were three corpses wlaking about? Sorry Fury but you screwed up there.

These allegations are weak and wouldn´t hold up in court, of course why would it even get there? No matter what fanfic i see with him i just keep hating Ultimate Fury more and more, 616 Fury is practical and somewhat cynical but he rarely sinks to Ultimate Fury´s level of...patriotism, in fact 616 Fury looks out for the world not just America, Ultimate Fury is an American soldier first and foremost, when he had the Ultimates and the European teams disarm the arabic weapons plants it was in Americas interest not the world´s.

Also, Xander constituting a threat to the Ultimates? Please...now Electro he´s a threat. Also since when those jurisdiction or emotional states stop Nick Fury from forcebly recruiting elements under his command? The Avengers or New Ultimates, whatever you want to call them are a bunch of psychos and maniacs, the new wasp was the one who attacked the whitehouse.

And Five years of service? Sorry but the way i see it you sign on for life with Fury in charge or live looking over your shoulder.

And that ends my anti Fury rant...for now.

Now while i was hoping for Fantastic Five, i do aplaud your innovative path to making him a member of that universes version of the avengers.

I could see him actually pissing off Widow or Hawkeye with his quip-fu, shocking the life out of Hank for abusing Jan (PLEASE LET HIM HURT HANK!), trying to to get Cap to mellow out and live in the now, telling off Stark to get his head out of the bottle and befriending Thor and asking him if he could spare some Valkiries to look over the Hellmouth.

Now you wrote about the PR, those that mean Bruce won´t Hulk out and see Xander rethink his options?

Also where will Xander stand during the Ultimate War? Because i doub´t he would believe the X-men would side with Magneto after everything they have done to help promote Human-Mutant relations.

Also i doubt Xander will stand by while Peter gets attack by Spider Slayers just because Fury is on his high horse.

Well that is all, hope to hear your rebuttal since i actually enjoy hearing your responses. Peace out!
Comments from author:
Okay... well, first off, thanks for the review, and I'm glad you're enjoying it.

No worries on the Thinker thing.

1 - I think you're both overestimating Xander's knowledge on the intricacies of the Law, and underestimating his reaction. I have to point out, you don't know what's going on inside Xander's head, he heard a lot of crap from Fury and was too shocked that he even knew about it, let alone was accusing him in such a way that he simply couldn't form an actual response.

2 - Fury never said that the group wasn't already troublemakers, he merely insinuated that Xander's taking over the gang... pushed them over the edge, if you will, as he convinced them to take the step from minor vandalism and bullying to murder and cannibalism.

3 - The pipe, gun, and Buffy were not mentioned in any reports, because, as far as the Sunnydale P.D. is concerned, they weren't there. In the records, they'll have Coach and the Nurse down as shark attack victims or whatever, because that's how they actually died. Also, nobody saw Xander and Buffy there when the Coach took a dip in Gill Monster Lagoon, so why would they mention it to the police when they didn't have too? It'd just give them more attention that they didn't need.

4 - Yes, Jack O'Toole was not Xander's friend, and his involvement was pretty much forced at knifepoint, but, Xander admitted himself to the police that he and Jack were 'just roughhousing' when he had the chance to report him, so as far as the police were concerned, Xander was with him willingly. I will admit that it is unlikely for anyone to have seen them at the graveyard, that was just poor writing on my part. And as for Jack's buddies, I've explained the 'walking corpse' stuff, in that they were wearing 'zombie makeup', which made identification impossible, and yeah, Jack's death wasn't attributed to Wolf-Oz, because Fury didn't want it to be while he was blackmailing Xander.

As to the allegations being 'weak', by our standards, sure, but by standards of the Marvel Universe, certainly enough to sway public opinion and convince America that Xander is a pretty serious psycho.

Concerning Xander making himself a threat, with his speed and electrical abilities, he could pretty easily prove himself too much for ordinary law enforcement agencies. Maybe he wouldn't rate as much of a threat to the Ultimates as a whole, though he could probably do some damage he certainly wouldn't be a junior Hulk in terms of destruction. And, yes, Ultimate Fury does respect jurisdictional boundaries, however begrudgingly, as shown in that he was unable to recruit Spider-Man due to his status as a minor.

To the rest, Xander will be pissing people off with his quips and jokey ways. Of course he'll hurt Hank, not sure how much success he'll get convincing Cap to mellow out, though he'll probably give Tony a run for his money in forcibly getting him away from the bottle. Befriending Thor will sorta happen.

As to the PR affecting Bruce, I'm honestly not sure about that, and I'll have to think about it.

Haven't thought far enough ahead to get to Ultimate War yet, though one thing that Xander has learned from his tenure on the Hellmouth is that people change, and they are not always what they appear to be, especially if you never knew them in the first place.

Xander will likely end up meeting Spider-man, and I do have a few ideas for that.

Well, that is all of my rebuttal. See ya.
Review By [Kaosreign] • Date [25 Nov 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from Bobboky
Review:
very good
Comments from author:
Thanks.
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [25 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from ranmainverse
Review:
Brilliant. Can't wait for the next chapter. When he does the PR thing for the Ultimates, I hope we see how the Scobbies react.
Comments from author:
Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it, although the Scoobies won't be able to tell that it's him, it's kind of a part of the Ultimates deal.
Review By [ranmainverse] • Date [25 Nov 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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