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Living Up To The Name

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Review of chapter "Chapter four" from souldriven
Review:
Hey DivineDemon, I noticed you were looking for a beta. I admit I'm not the best at grammar but, I'm a good speller and I pride myself on being a sounding board for friends struggling with story/comic ideas. If you'd like I could try to beta for you. I mean even a half-decent beta can be better than none. Give me some time to re-read the chapters and I'll leave any mistakes I noticed in reviews for the individual chapters. If you think I do an okay job send me an email.

Overall story; I like how you're rewriting the episodes to incorporate the changes Xander's character development is under-going. It's refreshing to not see the same episodes re-hashed almost identically to cannon. I'm curious to see how you're going to handle Willow's crush on Xander and I find it interesting how little focus you give Buffy. I'm curious what 'drastic' measure Xander is going to attempt and how/if it'll backfire.

Grammatically the first thing I noticed is you really do not use commas around dialogue. I admit that I think it's part of your writing style but you should keep in mind when you're not using periods, exclamation marks, or question marks sentence structure should be: [description-half of sentence], "[dialogue]" OR "[dialogue]," [description-half of sentence].

This Chapter: I don't think faux promises is the correct term. I think empty, false, or broken would be more accurate. I noticed a few times your spacing was strange with quotations marks. Sometimes you would space after typing " before starting a sentence. Once or twice it appeared that the quotation mark was not spaced from the previous sentence's period. Concerning the brotherly you put in quotation marks, you should use some other way to highlight the word so you do not confuse readers between dialogue and them ('', bold, italics, underline, etc.). Finally, I know Xander was not there to help Blayne but why did mantis-lady not have a second victim? You know, some other male from the class.
Review By [souldriven] • Date [7 Jan 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter four" from kayron
Review:
One thing that I like about the YAHF (Halloween chaos spell) stories is that when Xander gets his costume power, it is almost always instantly useable. In this story he is having to struggle and work hard for anything he gets. that is not a bad thing, because anything that he has to work so hard for will probably be strong and enduring, and he won't have to worry about the others trying to turn him back to 'normal'. Whatever power or boosts he gets will be his because he earned/worked for them. Still it is easy to see how frustrated he is because he isn't really able to do much yet.
Review By [kayron] • Date [7 Jan 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter four" from JonnyNapalm
Review:
Nice building action. Interesting way of retelling the series from the new perspective. Looking forward to what you decide to do next. I'm surprised I haven't seen more counsellors in various stories taking place throughout the HS years. With all the folks who go missing, etc. you'd figure that would be the single school related official actually managing to do what they were there for. (Giles doesn't count...what he does isn't REALLY scholastically related.)
Review By [JonnyNapalm] • Date [7 Jan 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter four" from thsunami
Review:
I think your turning xander into a mroe baddass batman, rather then a swat like police unit as batman is in a sense your turning him into rambo on demons.............AND I LOVE IT!

Great job
Review By [thsunami] • Date [7 Jan 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter four" from yog
Review:
Interesting. FSN style magic, eh? Or at least inspired by it. Has potential. Reinforcement for one, comes to mind. Not to mention gradation air (or infamous tracing, though I suspect that Xander won't get it - too coincidental and improbable). Only here you forge your circuits, adding one by one. Is there an upper limit to the amount of circuits you could create, or could you just go on increasing your power with no limit? Really hope it's the second one. With gradually decreasing output, probably. After al, while 10001 is more then 10000 by the same number as 2 is more then 1, the difference between 10001 and 10000 is far less noticeable.

Also, I would like to point out that all "normal" super-heroes had some sort of support base, who provided intel/gadgets/maintenance. I would assume that Xander knows this too, being a comic geek he is. Maybe he could talk to Willow about it? It could occur to him after Moloch (willow's demon robot boyfriend) episode. Also, being a comic geek, who is also searching for every advantage he can get, he should realise that Moloch's body has technology that could be easily translated into power-armor. And while he is no Tony Stark (in a cave, with a box of scraps!), WIllow is (at least in his mind). I could certainly see him, Willow (and even Giles, he could be persuaded, I think), salvaging Moloch for tech. This would also provide a start-up capital for his firm/corporation/money getting system. Bruce Wayne, Oliver Queen, Tony Stark... what do they all have in common? They are all (b/m)illionaires. Moloch's designs (power-source for the robot, artificial limbs, thinks like that) will net them a lot of money. If Xander is ruthless enough / pragmatic enough and can think of this in time, he could persuade Giles to keep Moloch alive, imprison it in a computer (not connected to the net), then torture it for new schematics. Certainly a poetic justice.

Also, Xander would probably insist on getting Willow some self-defence classes.

All-in-all, an interesting, not-totally-wankish story. Write more!
Review By [yog] • Date [7 Jan 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter four" from Rob
Review:
Poor Xander, patience isn't easy for him.
Review By [Rob] • Date [7 Jan 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter four" from Rorschach
Review:
kind of depressed that xander cant use his skills now but everyones got to start somewhere
Review By [Rorschach] • Date [7 Jan 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Morgomir
Review:
Great start. Keep up the good work.
Review By [Morgomir] • Date [19 Dec 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Robby
Review:
Awesome story idea!

I look forward to seeing where this goes!!!

Keep up the great work and good luck!
Review By [Robby] • Date [18 Dec 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Asterose
Review:
I am starting to think that Xander is going to end up being a Quincy like Uryruu from bleach.
Review By [Asterose] • Date [18 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter two" from TheTrueBard
Review:
A fic with great potentiel, for some reason though when you said anime my mind said Bleach (quincy)... :D I wonder if I was right? time will tell
Review By [TheTrueBard] • Date [17 Dec 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Well, I do like how Xander's admiration of Batman's training taking years is helping to keep him in check. I'm a little confused about you asking us to guess which hero because he seems to admire and take inspiration from multiple heroes. But based on your set up it would have to be someone who uses potions and powders - maybe like the original Sandman.

Other than that I'm not a big enough comic book geek except kind of remembering a few classics but not sure what they all can do blow by blow like Mr. Miracle and Dr. Fate.

EDIT: There's even more manga and anime out there. Unless it is something from the 70s, 80s or 90s I probably wouldn't know the reference... and I'm also a little vague on the 90s characters. Just keep doing what your doing... I even liked how you characterized Giles... and I should be able to follow even if I don't know your "source" series.
Comments from author:
Hope you don't mind if I answer all your reviews at once.

First, thanks for the advice I'll try to change what you pointed out. My spelling is horrible, I've been working on it since ever. Anyway its getting late in my area.

Second, Xander sees Willow as sister, they ain't blood.

Last, this is not a comic book crossover. He draws inspiration from them but nothing more. I gave two hints in the first chapter, Anime and archer. Xander is becoming more like a character that involves both.

Thanks for reviewing
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [17 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from TurfSurfer
Review:
Rather liking this so far. A unique direction where Xander isn't left in the dust, but neither is he given uberness by some random deus-ex-machina. Looking forward to more.

As for who Xander is shaping up to be more like, given your anime clue, I'm beginning to lean towards either Shirou (more likely) or Archer from FSN. Mostly because he's a pretty good archer already (not quite at Shirou's level, but who is?) and is starting to learn both HTH combat as well as magic. Kind of a stretch, but the two do seem to have some similarities.
Review By [TurfSurfer] • Date [17 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Rorschach
Review:
maybe merlyn i don't know so much
Review By [Rorschach] • Date [17 Dec 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Klimmatt
Review:
Great story so far. Looking forward to the next instalment.
Review By [Klimmatt] • Date [16 Dec 11] • Not Rated
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