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Xander Blade

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Review of chapter "Of Spiders, Mutants, and Vampires" from JediKnight
Review:
Very nice work on the new chapter though your grammar is starting to slip(you missed a word or 2, confused "own" with "one", and are missing a suffix); I'm looking forward to reading more. Also, couldn't Xander sniff Ben to see about the genetic stabilizer(p.s. Ben is the clone), I'm not sure Jessica would have genetic stabilizer in her. Couldn't Ben just stay at the house Willow lives in since he and Jessica most likely bought it?

-Edit: Why would Ben need to ask Xander, wouldn't Xander be able to smell the genetic stabilizer from arms length between the 2 of them? There was a grammar mistake in your reply; "Good point but for this story I need Ben in another place do my idea for seasons 2&3 work" should read "Good point but for this story I need Ben in another place for my idea for seasons 2 & 3 to work".

-Edit 2: During a fight couldn't Xander get a whiff off a minor cut that Ben has?

-Edit 3: That type of scene could solve the identity problem.

-Edit 4: When might the next chapter be up?

-Edit 5: Have you decided when Jessica might show up?

-Edit 6: What do you mean by "OZP" and "I plan on splitting this into two fics right that"?

-Edit 7: Have you decided on any pairings?
Comments from author:
I know about Ben being the clone I'm a major spidey fan and also Jessica own body fought rejected the powers so for this story a genetic stabilizer to allow her too keep her powers and not destroy her own body. Also Ben would have to ask Xander about that is the feeling I got. Good point but for this story I need Ben in another place do my idea for seasons 2&3 work. Also Marvel never gave when Jessica was replaced by a Skrull so I want to try and figure that whole story line out sorry. where in the chapter are the grammar errors.

The blood has to come from an open wound hormones are different then blood because they give off a scent naturally while blood needs to be exposed to the outside air.

In The Real Clone Saga Ben and Peter do not care about who is the real deal and also Xander would not want to alienate a potential ally by doing something without his permission because of how I think Xander would react and the fact that Blade would have told him not to do anything stupid around Spider-Man because he does not take kindly to being used something that is very obvious in the Civil War.

Yeah he could

Need to figure that out first

Lost the when I turned the computer off stupid mistake

If she shows up it will be right after OZT and I plan on splitting this into two fics right that

Have one focus on Buffy and the other focus on Xander and OZT will be revealed next chapter

No and just realized that it is OZT and that is a big mistake concidering how much of an X-men fan I am

Also I'm going to screw the timeline over big time soon
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [16 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Of Spiders, Mutants, and Vampires" from msdarque
Review:
Quite an interesting chapter.. wow.
I liked reading it. Poor Willow, though- so much information thrown at her in so little time.
Congrats!
Comments from author:
I know
Review By [msdarque] • Date [10 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Witch and 2 Spider" from JediKnight
Review:
Very nice job on the new chapter, one grammar mistake though. I'm looking forward to more.

-So, Scatlet Spider and Jessica Drew are Willow's parents?

-Edit: So shouldn't the chapter be titled "A Witch and 2 Spiders"?

-Edit 2: Thanks. When will Jessica be in?

-Edit 3: Any chance Xander's and Jessie's humor will be compared to Spider-Man's?

-Edit 4: All you need is for one of them to make a joke that Spider-Man most likely would and either Jessica or Ben ask "are you related to Spider-Man?" Xander/Jesse"No, but I'm/he's relted to Blade."
Comments from author:
Yep realized that I set it up unintentionally with the Willow blood comment due to the fact Spider-Woman is 99.9% spider which she happened to say in Spider Island.

Yeah good idea

Not sure yet

No sure I'm not good at that sort of comparison
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [10 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Witch and 2 Spider" from Narf
Review:
Not bad at all keep up the good work thanks and bye.
Comments from author:
Thanks
Review By [Narf] • Date [7 Apr 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Witch and 2 Spider" from msdarque
Review:
Interesting chapter. I liked reading it.
Wonder why Ben is in Sunnydale?
Congrats!
Comments from author:
To be explained
Review By [msdarque] • Date [7 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Welcome to Hellmouth part 2" from JediKnight
Review:
Glad you lengthened your chapters but you need more character interaction, a way to show scene breaks instead of just skipping right to something else, and lengthen the chapters a bit more. Hoping to read more soon.

-Edit: You may want to see how long ago this was posted.
Comments from author:
I know
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [6 Apr 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Life on a Hellmouth is never dull" from JediKnight
Review:
The length is getting better and I did not see any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm hoping to read more soon.

-Edit: Any idea on when Willow's parents will show up?

-Edit 2: Will Willow's mother be a Marvel character?

-Edit 3: Hope you decide before you bring her in to the story.
Comments from author:
thanks

Post REAL clone saga so in the next two chapters

Drew

count on it
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [6 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Life on a Hellmouth is never dull" from djhardim
Review:
In reading about Xander's birth mother, I noticed that she had recieved two transfusions of artificial blood from the original Human Torch.

Did the effects of the blood transfusion carry over to Xander?
Comments from author:
Actually did not know that so probably no because it would not affect her DNA
Review By [djhardim] • Date [6 Apr 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Life on a Hellmouth is never dull" from msdarque
Review:
Interesting chapter. I liked it and also Blink. :)
Congrats!
Comments from author:
Thanks Blink is my favorite mutant
Review By [msdarque] • Date [6 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Life on a Hellmouth is never dull" from texaswookie
Review:
your making Xander sound and act way more experinced than he should be n my opinion I mean he practically said how'd the kids do? I admit he should be more experinced but your making him sound thirty or so instead of 16. Its a good tale and I'll read more just my opinion.
Comments from author:
He dealt with threats on the Hellmouth for four years solo and I have a prequel in the works to explain this along with the fact that he in his mind Buffy and the others are amateurs while he has is a master so that's where the kids thing comes from
Review By [texaswookie] • Date [6 Apr 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Harvest time and dropping in" from JediKnight
Review:
Nice work on the fight and your grammar is doing real better, I'll be looking forward to more.

-Length still could be better.

-Edit: For me the only matter is the length at the moment.
Comments from author:
Thanks although I know it still needs some work and I'm not a perfectionist just might have trouble in the future
I don't have a beta reader just using word to double check grammar now
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [5 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Harvest time and dropping in" from msdarque
Review:
Intriguing and exciting chapter.
Wonder who that mutant was who fell through that hole?
Yay for Buffy and others for defeating the crisis so well.
Congrats!
Comments from author:
Hint Exile
Review By [msdarque] • Date [5 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Origins and shocks" from JediKnight
Review:
Glad to see the chapters are getting longer and your grammar has gotten really better as well, I look forward to more soon.

-Any pairings in this fic?

-Edit: Have you decided which Spider-Man clone will be Willow's dad?

-Edit 2: To my knowlege they never showed her dad and her mom only appeared once or twice.
Comments from author:
Not sure about pairings in this fic just yet

Not sure only own Season one of Buffy so I don't know her home life that well so how she is treated will plan a big role in which Spider is her father
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [4 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Origins and shocks" from msdarque
Review:
Wow, informative, great chapter. I liked it. :)
Congrats!
Comments from author:
Thanks for the input
Review By [msdarque] • Date [3 Apr 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Welcome to Hellmouth part 1" from CrystalBlaze
Review:
I'm sorry, but this has several problems.

First, it's a giant block of text. Paragraphs and separation of different characters' actions and words into their own sections is a must for clear writing.

It feels.. rushed, a serious breach of the principle of showing the reader the story instead of just telling him "He did that, then this"... descriptions and setting the scene makes for effective narrative.

I do not say this to discourage! You can do it well, I am sure. I note these flaws so you will.

Good Luck.



Edit: Having read your explanation.. I hope the story's doing better, but you kinda failed genetics. Blade is from a mixed mating, you are absolutely correct. That being said, he can't have a white kid unless sorcery is involved (which may well have been the case).
Comments from author:
Cold Case episode a man with two black parents skin tone can pass for white that's how I rationalize the skin color element, also albino skin tone is another thing that I took into account when I wrote the story
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [3 Apr 12] • Not Rated
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