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Shadow of the White Knight

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Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from Narf
Review:
Kick ass what a story keep up the good work thanks and bye.
Review By [Narf] • Date [12 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from Funkitated
Review:
I really like this. My favorite line had to be "dropped it like third period French class." So corny! But too enjoyable.: P Some parts of the story seemed a little rushed to me, but I won't complain as long as you keep enjoying writing it. Haha.

On a side note, I guess Jesse's death is a fixed point in time. Lol!
Review By [Funkitated] • Date [12 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from darkcarnage
Review:
I liked this chapter, so don't let the negative reviewers get to you. You killed Jessie off but sometime people are just fated to die. I'm happy that you brought Faith to the past, since Xander and Faith are my favorite pairing, but what age did you bring her at? I look forward to the next chapter.
Review By [darkcarnage] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Okay, first Damn you killed Jessie again! Damn you! But I guess it had to be done.
Second I loved the chapter, well done with the build up to Xander as Batman.
Loved the scene in the mall.
Loved the bit with Harmony at School.
Loved Willows insecurity you caught that very well.
You handled the scene at Willies very well, and Xander killing Darla brilliant, it made him (and the reader) think he had saved Jessie but you had Joker kill him.
Now, a comment, Xander is not Bruce he has a whole lot less problem killing than Bruce ever did. I think you need to take that into account and adjust his version of Batman to take that into account. No he is not a psychopath, no he doesn't kill at the drop of a hat. But if you are threatening innocents in large numbers or Xanders family (by blood or choice) he will not hesitate to kill. While Bruce will not kill if he can possibly avoid it. So in my opinion, Xander's Batman should be darker than the normal DC Batman.

Anyway, great story I am looking forward to the next chapter!
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The story begins" from Wadewilson
Review:
Eliza Dushku did the voice of catwoman in the dc short that came with Batman:Year One.
Review By [Wadewilson] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from JonnyNapalm
Review:
Excellent follow up to a strong starting chapter. I think I noticed a tense issue once or twice and a 'their-they're' flub...but still strong. Loved the inclusion of Wildcat. I always enjoy the many incarnations of Ted Grant... I was disappointed we didn't get to see much of him in the Smallville JSA material. Bringing in Owlman as Xander's starting nemesis? Inspired...guessing it was the PTB's that did it makes it much more entertaining. The loss of Jessie while tragic works well to cement Xander's new purpose in the world of Smallville. That you used it as an opening to bring in Faith as a companion and partner works even better. I've always loved the possibilites offered by the dynamic between Xander and Faith. I'd hoped to see more of it in the Buffy comics..but Whedon's writers went with Dawn. It's an okay match...but the dynamic isn't as interesting.
Hope that your Muse is generous and your updates are frequent. Looking forward to reading a WHOLE LOT more of this. Great work.
Review By [JonnyNapalm] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from trongod
Review:
While I like this, the biggest problem I have is Xander didn't kill the homicidal maniac as soon as he killed Jesse.

The man had bombs in a hospital and a school, and even if he had escaped, he /would/ have set them off as much to distract the pursuing police as to simply kill as many as possible and the pretty explosions. It's the same problem I always had with Batman; after the Joker has /proven/ beyond a doubt that he can escape from prison or Arkham and restarts his killing spree for the second or third time, he's proven that he's a rabid animal and should be killed for the safety of the innocents around.

As Xander thought, humans can be even worse than demons, and he kills demons for the same acts as this madman was planning.

Glad to see Faith, but I'm wondering how they can work her into the time line, or did Battie already take of the details?
Review By [trongod] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from JediKnight
Review:
Nice job on the new chapter, wish you saved Jessie though.

-Why are you using the Nolan-version of Joker; or will he become like the comic-version? Are you goning to make Faith Catwoman?
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from SlykeDB
Review:
... and it's gone. How frustrating, this story started out using an interesting premise (Batmite is awesome... and from everything shown can easily overpower the powers that be), but this chapter it very much felt like it went off the rails, bringing another character back in time with future knowledge is okay, but saving one random person you care about isn't?! If Batmite can do one the other should be a cakewalk. Jesse after all hardly matters in the grand scheme of things, unless your going with the premise that you can't really change anything, which is a terrible way to define the start of a time-travel fic. The deal at Willies, is actually one of the most vile things I've read in a while, it basically read as "I know you're a bunch of murders and monsters, but I don't really care as long as you leave my business alone you can leave your trail of bodies." Also tried to sound as though EVERY single demon/monster would go through Willies bar and take part in this great bargain. The pairing here is horribly contrived, as you define it in a back story that you force the reader to take for granted. Now I have no intrinsic problem with a Faith/Xander match-up but the way it happened felt like a cop-out.

Anyways, like I said, I enjoyed the basic premise and I'm sure some will love the direction it's taking, but that's it for me.
Review By [SlykeDB] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Rating [2 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from TaraLi
Review:
Over all, the story is off to a decent start. I have to admit, however, that the unevenness of the grammar is a bit painful.

Likewise, the things coming out of nowhere is getting to be too much - the batmobile, Faith showing up - these are really over the top. Not having them means Xander takes longer to get really going, but at the same time, that gives you, as the author, more time to develop Xander.
Review By [TaraLi] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from missinglink
Review:
Nice addition and glad to see more of this. Don't know why the venom from others, but that's there problem. Can't please everyone and some just have to be dicks about their dislike. Do want to say that be careful not to make too many further things by Bat Mite occur as it will become a crutch that will hurt the story more than help. Like the idea of Faith joining in, but this opens questions like Does she have slayer powers or just memories? What age are you putting Faith at as canon was always a bit spotty as to her age in relation to that of the Scoobies? Does this make her Robin? Batgirl? Huntress? Will imagine that Willow is not gonna like Faith appearing as to what it means for a relationship with Xander, but be careful not to go too overboard with her action/reaction to it. Maybe having Xander use his knowledge to either point Willow at Oz as a target for affection or even see if he can somehow bring in Tara and her mother. The latter is maybe overdone, but your call as all this is. Keep it up and looking forward to the next addition to this. Really having fun with it and hope the inspiration keeps coming. Later.
Review By [missinglink] • Date [11 Aug 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from Ahdamnit
Review:
Reasons why this story sucks. Your Willow is more than just damned annoying, stop with the jealousy, crying, and shit. The Faith scene at the end. Come on, really? The interfering PTB trope is fail. The spots of Engrish. Your story is rushed. Your reliance on a cosmic power type character (Bat Mite) for the Changes.

There are other reasons I could list but really why should I devote anymore time to this review if you can't devote any time to making any of your stories not suck?
Review By [Ahdamnit] • Date [10 Aug 12] • Rating [1 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from djhardim
Review:
It seems as if the PTB has declared war on Xander and Bat-Mite. They are determined to counter every move that Xander and Bat-Mite make. It was no coincidence that that the Joker and Thomas Wayne Jr showed up in Sunnydale.

Did the bank robbery happen in the original timeline?
Review By [djhardim] • Date [10 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Shadow of the White Knight Part 2" from Vilkath
Review:
Eh the story getting a little less interesting with the PTB interfearing on the side of EVIL... but that is rather common frankly. The biggest disapointment was when the instant super bad guy killed Jesse Xander let the guy live. I know the batman doesn't kill pretty much no matter what, but the guy just slaughtered Xander's best friend with a smile and he STILL left the matter up to the police? A guy willing blow up a school and a hospital just as a distraction? I don't care if he's criminaly insane, people like that just don't deserve the chance to live.

It was always my biggest gripe with DC comics as a whole, but Batman and Superman especially. They are always fixing the current problem but pay no attention to the long term issues at hand. Batman might catch the Joker dozens of times, let him kill thousands of people, but never does anything about it. He doesn't kill the guy, cripple him, etc as the Batman. Nor does he improve security, the legal system, or anything as Bruce Wayne. Justice was pretty broken in the DC universe and Bruce Wayne had the money to influnce the system rather well, yet he never really did anything to keep people like the Joker off the streets.

He caught them, but he never cared if they broke out or were released again later.
Review By [Vilkath] • Date [10 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The story begins" from djhardim
Review:
Good

“You put seven thousand in the bank and decided to invest two thousand dollars.”

The missing one thousand - probably spent it.

Edit: It would have been nice if Bat-Mite had thrown in an improved healing ability.
Review By [djhardim] • Date [8 Jul 12] • Not Rated
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