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Mithras Chronicles

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Review of chapter "2" from Difdi
Review:
I like the story so far, but this chapter is just...bad in places.

> Both officers screamed, blood vomiting from their mouths, as they plummeted to the ground.

While visually dramatic, this is not physically possible. The spewing blood thing is due to the destruction of the lungs and the ensuing massive hemorrhage. Every vocal sound a human can make is the result of the lungs moving air. No lungs, no scream.

> “And afterwards missy is facing some hard time for her part in this, that’s for damn sure.”

There's a lovely attitude. Convicting the victim of a murder attempt for conspiracy to commit murder. By that standard, every cop killed in the line of duty must be a dirty cop, too. For that matter, the line in the earlier chapter about nobody innocent would walk into a gang hangout...cops would walk in, therefore cops are bad guys. So much logic failure in this department. I'm amazed they can manage to fill out paperwork.

> pointing his shotgun at the control panel and firing.

And the bad ideas keep on rolling. A switch works because it has electricity flowing through it. Destroy the switch and the flow stops. Even with purely computerized switches, electrical systems have these things called fuses and circuit breakers, and blowing up a control panel causes those fuses/breakers to trigger, resulting in the lights going off.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [Difdi] • Date [17 Sep 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Change Of Direction" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Well, Interesting...It will at least slow the Tarakan's down while they rebuild.
I don't know if the Syndicate will actually stop or try harder...later.

Great chapter!
Comments from author:
Even if you kill off a group as large as the Order, there's bound to be cells etc., left alive.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [15 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A Change Of Direction" from CageFire
Review:
Another good chapter, keep up the good work. :)
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [CageFire] • Date [15 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A Change Of Direction" from Bobboky
Review:
very very good work
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [15 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "2" from darkcarnage
Review:
I forgot about this chapter/story. I'm glad you're posting these stories over again since this is allowing me to read the past stories while I wait for a new one, but I did notice you didn't post Bostonian Musings and I was wondering if you forgot it or decided not to included. Just curious since it did explain so much of your Faith past.

I find myself reading the first timers reviews asking question about future chapters and thinking that they have no idea what's coming and waiting for certain stories to see their reactions. I can't wait for you to post them.
Comments from author:
Bostonian Musings - no didn't forget, but someone wrote it for me, and their old email address didn't work when I was trying to contact them, so I declined to include it to avoid any hassle.

Glad you're enjoying your re-read, it should be a loooong while before I catch up to where I actually am. Thanks for the review.
Review By [darkcarnage] • Date [13 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "2" from CageFire
Review:
Nice new chapters. Quite a lot of civilian causalities though. Then again with a terminator I suppose it's to be expected.
Comments from author:
Terminators don't mess about.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [CageFire] • Date [12 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "2" from Bobboky
Review:
Very good
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [12 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "2" from ianquest
Review:
Um. Interesting, with lots of action, but there's a couple of things I had to query.

I'm guessing this Traxler is a 'movie' cop, where the law is whatever the police want it to be? Yes, there's wide potential for abuse by law enforcement and the US appears to be rapidly turning into a fascist authoritarian state, with enormously broad powers given to law enforcement and 'rights' almost a thing of the past. Even so, a cop who cuffs an unconscious victim of a serial killer, refuses to allow them medical attention, drags them into a police station and interrogates them for the 'crime' of throwing a table at someone shooting up a nightclub? It would take a reasonably competent law student about fifteen minutes to put Traxler's career into a nosedive. Plus “And afterwards missy is facing some hard time for her part in this, that’s for damn sure.” What part in this? Being chased by a maniac? Even a US judge would have a hard time justifying that!

Also, the bit where Xander runs across the street towards a truck racing past at high speed. Not only does he manage to catch this high-velocity vehicle, he does so unnoticed by the killing machine driving it, and he then manages to throw explosives into the exhaust (in 18-wheelers, they've invariably been vertical and high above the ground on every one I've seen). Is this comic-book physics, perhaps?

These are relatively minor things from the perspective of the story, but a bit of work would have prevented them being an issue at all. For example, Faith could have been taken into protective custody rather than being interrogated, and Xander could have thrown a block of C4 (much more likely than an archaic stick of dynamite, a la Wile E. Coyote!) into the trailer hitch area of the truck from the safety and concealment of a car it was passing.

Otherwise, an interesting addition to a fairly original story. You did a good job of joining the universes and maintaining characterisation, although by this point you'd expect that Faith would have figured out that when someone yells "Down" and throws her to the ground, it's because they've spotted danger, rather than her swelling up with outraged indignation every time...

Keep up the good work, and I look forward to seeing more in this universe!
Comments from author:
The truck wasn't going that fast. However you're right, I utterly cocked up the cop interaction. I wanted to get Faith into the police station to duplicate that scene where Arnie shoots it up, but I used a pretty horrible justification and motivation to do it.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [ianquest] • Date [12 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "2" from moringstar
Review:
Keep up the good work. Can't wait to see xander slap down the council.
Comments from author:
Oh the Council will get theirs eventually.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [moringstar] • Date [12 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "2" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Very good cross, nicely done!
Comments from author:
Glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [12 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "33. 2" from demonichellfire
Review:
any plans for Highlander
Comments from author:
Oh yes, both in-cannon and my original Immortals.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [demonichellfire] • Date [9 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "33. 2" from DofEire
Review:
If I haven't mentioned this before, I am just loving the heck out of this story. :)
Comments from author:
Glad you're enjoying it, thanks for the review.
Review By [DofEire] • Date [8 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "33. 2" from CageFire
Review:
Nice new chapters, keep up the good work. :)
Comments from author:
Glad you liked them, thanks for the review.
Review By [CageFire] • Date [8 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "33. 2" from Bobboky
Review:
very good
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [8 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "33. 2" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Okay wow, very exciting and stress filled chapters.
I had to switch stories several times you had me so stressed.

But it was great, so good I couldn't keep but going back to see what happened next!

Thanks for a great story!
Comments from author:
Lol, Faith got herself in some trouble there didn't she? And the next story, well they're going to wish it was just Obie....

Thanks for the review.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [8 Sep 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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