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Review of chapter "The Nor'easter" from Harry
Review:
Carol! You and Rachel had better be careful the next time the two of you are in the air! No telling when you might end up crashing into each other *Although, depending on Rachel's taste, that might NOT be a bad idea!* And if Tara is good enough to clean up her act enough for Emma, she MIGHT just get a shopping trip! White Bustier for the White Witch sometime after the new year perhaps?
Comments from author:
You already asked about that and I already pointed out that she's SIXTEEN. Not even the quintuplets dress like that in this story.
Review By [Harry] • Date [8 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Nor'easter" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
"Considering you flew into me? I'm going to go with 'good'." is a classic line!
"You are going to stop thinking about what you did with my daughters last night. There is never an appropriate time for a mother to be bombarded with images like that." is yet another perfect line.

I love this fic!
Comments from author:
Emma's got a point. If I had a kid, I wouldn't want to know what they were getting up to.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [8 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Nor'easter" from Meneldur
Review:
Damn my new job for giving me limited time so that I am reviewing in a messed up order and at midnight.
Anyway, I loved this chapter, for all that it was short. Pissed off Emma is great fun, especially since all resistance is futile in face of her anger. Even Faith's girlfriends know not to try and cover for her.
Why did Rachel bring in those horrible outfits? I would suspect it was solely to annoy Emma, but she doesn't usually go for that kind of thing... maybe she was feeling rebellious?
It was nice seeing Carol as well. I think it's telling that despite barely knowing Emma, she was smart enough to realize the stupidity of it. I also found it hilarious she failed to observe the regulations and actually crashed into someone due to it.
The last part about Tara was priceless, and I liked how she shot back at Faith. Of course, Emma got the last word, as always. And on that note, while it's 5 somewhere, it's midnight here, so I should go to sleep.
Comments from author:
The horrid outfits and the song go hand-in-hand; Call On Me by Eric Prydz has a music video that parodies a similar scene in the movie 'Perfect' and features a group of women and one man working out in very skimpy, 80s-styled attire. Just a bit of a winknod to people familiar with the song.

Carol's a Boston native in canon, so it made her a natural fit for the role of "spare mutant". As for the flying bit... well, Nat warned her.

It actually is 5PM in Pakistan when it's 7AM Eastern, just as a note of interest. :)
Review By [Meneldur] • Date [8 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Nor'easter" from (Recent Donor)tammin
Review:
Nice addition of Carol Danvers into the mix. Lo the perils of flying and using the Internet at the same time. That was also a nice use of song lyrics. "…it was five o'clock somewhere in the world. Pakistan, possibly?"

Thank you very much.
Comments from author:
Carol's actually from Boston, so it was a natural fit that in a near-Christmas story, she'd be in town. Or flying into town for the holidays. And flying into Rachel in the process.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tammin] • Date [8 Aug 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "The Nor'easter" from Eureka
Review:
Both got hickies huh? LOL
Comments from author:
Well, Faith gave her pair hickeys. Tara... we don't know WHAT she did or with who, just that Emma does NOT want to see memories of it.
Review By [Eureka] • Date [8 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from TinMan
Review:
If your asking who should give each of the girls a hicky ( between Tara and Faith) I say, Why not both!! lol

Either have them both contribute to their slice o the pie, or get them inhibited enough that Tara and Faith share all five.
Comments from author:
Might do both girls getting a lil lucky. :)
Review By [TinMan] • Date [7 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from skychan
Review:
Comments from author:
First-person plural is normal for the girls. Referring to each other by name is normal. But Esme calling herself Esme when speaking in singular would be weird, even for the Cuckoos.

Kissing... I'm really pondering what to do because if I do include it on-screen, it likely will require another chapter to be added to the outline. The (scheduled) next scene is set in Stamford, CT when the train reaches the station where the Frost-Grey clan unloads. So if something happens between where I left us and then... I'd need either a new chapter or flashbacks to show it...

Reply to Comments:
I was thinking more along the lines of while speaking as a group mind phychicly that any one of the Cuckoos might refer to themselves in the third person at times simply because they were currently in the mindset of "we" and so using "I" would be inappropriate, but similarly "We" would not work as they were refering to a specific body, which in this case just happened to belong to the specific Cuckoo that was "speaking".

As for kissing, it depends on how involved the situation is and how difficult it would be to flash it back simply. If it is something convoluted like I sugested you might be forced into a whole chapter, which I wouldn't mind. If you can get away with it in flashback however I don't think its absoultely necessary to do so. You could simply have Emma confront the three/five coming out of the train and be shocked that the two with faith are untouched or have similar hickies, while the three with Tarra...

"She noticed that Phobe had a hicky with a dainty set of teeth mark's on her throat, and spotted a blushing Tara trying not to draw her attention. When she imperiously looked over Sophie and Phobe seeing the girls blushing she wasn't surprised to notice they two sported an identical pair of hickies. Narrowing her eyes she saw that while identical they did NOT match that on Phobe her raised eyebrow causing the pair to turn a darker cherry."
Or something similar. It allows you to imply a lot of what happened without explaining it and leaving things open to interpretation as to causes and reasons, or you can of course go in with a full chapter to show just how they got there.
Review By [skychan] • Date [7 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from skychan
Review:
I have to say Tara's musing about the nature of tickling and the sisters has always been something I've also been curious about. I have to ask if you're going to answer it, in your world at least. Also the idea that the two with Faith are playing 'cover' for each other is almost too amusing to contemplate for words. Especially when you consider that according to your last response to me Faith's ultimate goal is all five! So do they think they're doing it for privacy, or part of a plot to make the other three jealous and curious enough to join in, and who's idea is it in the first place?
" Tara shook her head. 'It's who you are.' Or rather, she amended, she'd be fine with it as long as they didn't start referring to themselves in third person. That was just plain weird."
I have to say, that both the first person plural and referring to parts of oneself in the third person should really be par for the course. Especially if some of their thoughts begin to diverge and re-converge in the course of a conversation.

Hmm, who should leave their mark on whom…
Really it might be interesting to have it be a mixture. Depending on just how close the quints are you could go several ways. Such as Faith with her pair, and then the others having picked up something of Tara's thoughts getting jealous/curious enough about the alleged 'kissing' with faith to want to try it for themselves. Of course three on one may not be the easiest so it could be Tara with one and the other pair 'practicing' for lack of a better term with one another. I'm sure they could come up with any number of justifications for it not being incestuous from masturbation, "we're so close we're basically one person" to "It doesn't count because we don't really mean it", or "We needed to find out if it felt the same in the flesh as it does through the mind."


(on phone numbers, they may just be 555-555-555(1-5) for the last digit so they can each have a cell phone, and its easy for friends to remember their number, but until they really do start diverging I wouldn't expect more than one email address.)
Comments from author:
It might be to make the others jealous, but more than likely it's to respect their wishes to not be included. After all, whatever Faith's end goal might be, she's not going to get there by offending girls she wants to flirt with, is she?

First-person plural is normal for the girls. Referring to each other by name is normal. But Esme calling herself Esme when speaking in singular would be weird, even for the Cuckoos.

Kissing... I'm really pondering what to do because if I do include it on-screen, it likely will require another chapter to be added to the outline. The (scheduled) next scene is set in Stamford, CT when the train reaches the station where the Frost-Grey clan unloads. So if something happens between where I left us and then... I'd need either a new chapter or flashbacks to show it...
Review By [skychan] • Date [6 Aug 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from Meneldur
Review:
Finally I have some time to review this. It was fun, as usual, and quite informative.
I liked the details on Emma's car, it was quite interesting.
The Five-In-One are as amusing as ever, especially in their interactions with Faith and in their personal endeavors and lives. It's actually a very intriguing idea, how to remain together yet separate.
I'd say Faith was driving Emma to drink, except we all know Emma drinks anyway. Faith is just an excuse (though certainly a good one).
I loved their reasoning behind learning magic, especially the lines about cheating. And Tara's thoughts on that kind of attitude were spot-on. But what else would you expect from Emma's daughters?
I really liked seeing this chapter through Tara eyes, as well as the Quintuplets mental arguments. It was just great fun.
Well, that went quicker than Tara expected. I wonder if like they can download memories/knowledge from Tara, they can upload what they took. That would be a quick way to make witches, for those with enough power. If they ever needed a really powerful one, just transmit all those memories to Willow, and voila! Instant Big Gun.
Anyway, can't wait to see what Emma's reaction will be (after she gets all the memories so she can have telepathy as well, of course).
Regarding Faith's accent, I prefer you leave it as it is now, as accents can be annoying to decipher, especially when you're trying to read quickly. And it would be kind of annoying to have only Faith speak in an accent, without anybody else doing so - especially as Emma herself has a Bostonian accent.
Regarding hickeys, I don't really care. I think that if it happens in this story, it should be Faith, because for Tara that would be a bit of moving far too fast. But hey, you could probably make it work.
Comments from author:
I travel by train a lot because I get motion sick too easily flying. I did the math on a Viewliner the first time I rode in one; you're looking at nearly 900 square feet of space. 896 to be exact. And probably a good 8 feet tall inside at a minimum, so 7168 cubic feet of space to work with. It's not going to be a luxury hotel, but you can make a very livable mobile base out of one.

The Five-in-One are simultaneously the hardest and easiest characters for me to write. Sometimes I can blur them together into five mouths with one mind, but then other times... Sophie and Esme were both individuals by their deaths and the remaining three show signs of self as well. So clearly there's more going on than meets the eye.

I really wish I'd gotten to explore Tara's background in this. I'm thinking of extending Hockey Knight a little so people can still get her origin story; have them meet up with someone else who's not a telepath and therefore needs to be told things the good old-fashioned way.

As for that last bit... I'm never sure. I was rather Tara-like back in high school myself and dated Tara-level shy chicks. But once things click, physicality developed rather quickly. And when you can touch minds, I'd think that you can skip months or years of the 'getting to know you' stage of dating. Assuming the girls want to date Tara. Or Tara wants to date the girls.
Review By [Meneldur] • Date [5 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from (Recent Donor)deitarionSSokolow
Review:
An entertaining chapter though nothing beyond "on the other other oth..." and the destructive telekinetic pillowfight really sticks out in my mind.

As for Faith's written accent, I'd keep her rhotic it's makes the words easier to parse, which helps immersion and makes for a more comfortable read. (And, in case you're vulnerable to argument from authority, Orson Scott Card recommends not mangling words to indicate accent when he gives writing workshops.)

EDIT: Exactly why I never seem to get around to reading the copy of Ender's Game that found its way into my library, despite all the good things I hear about it. Yes, it's a form of prejudice, but I just find myself very averse to the potential for enjoying fiction written by someone who's so ideologically opposed.

In retrospect, the tongue-in-cheekness of that reference was FAR too subtle.
Comments from author:
Orson Scott Card is also a massive homophobe who is part of an organization that seeks to ban gay marriage in states that don't already do so, and fights to keep existing laws from being overturned.

EDIT: I've never read anything by him outside of Ultimate Iron Man because of his socio-political stances; UIM was only because it was required reading to understand other Earth-1610 story lines.
Review By [(Recent Donor)deitarionSSokolow] • Date [3 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from AravilarFaenya
Review:
First I have to say that this is an excellent peek into other things that occur in the Blue Belle 'verse.

Second I vote for giving Faith a proper Bostonian accent when you merge it into Blue Belle.
Comments from author:
So far you're the only one... but then again I kinda agree with you. I might write up both versions for the merge and see if people cringe at the accented version.
Review By [AravilarFaenya] • Date [2 Aug 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from chaosmancer
Review:
both with also getting their numbers/email addresses
Comments from author:
I wonder if they would have separate numbers and emails or just share? O_o
Review By [chaosmancer] • Date [2 Aug 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from (Recent Donor)tchizek
Review:
Wonderful! This gives more depth to all the characters, I especially like the inner monologue Tara has before agreeing to let the girls "learn" TK magic from her.

To answer your questions;
1) I like the way you have been writing Faith so far, I read her with a Boston accent anyway and having it written just distracts me.
2) Welll I would lean toward having the pillow fight end up with kisses and snuggles. With Tara giving the hickeys, Faith is just too obvious.

Great chapter!
Comments from author:
Yeah, like I've mentioned to the others, the only reason I'm pondering making Faith properly non-rhotic is because I've felt awkward writing a few bits of slang (and avoided a few others entirely) because they just don't look right when you use proper English.
Review By [(Recent Donor)tchizek] • Date [2 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from MarcusRowland
Review:
OK, that's one of Xanders dreams taken care of, hot chicks having pillow fights. I hope Tara shares the memory with him (her) some time.
Comments from author:
I wonder if the two will ever meet. I mean, with this Faith having her own Scooby (possibly Scoobies someday) and a connection to the Frosts and X-Men... will Kakistos ever kill Diana, prompting Faith to run to Sunnydale?
Review By [MarcusRowland] • Date [2 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "South Station - Track #9" from Eureka
Review:
:P Unless there is an underclass Boston accent then nope. Although I can see her possibly having an accent when she is excited or such.
Comments from author:
...you've never heard the average Bostonian, have you? O_o
Review By [Eureka] • Date [2 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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