"The next one is already in progress, and should show up no later than a week after this one."

Hey. You can't write a great fic like this and not continue it!! This is a really unique and well written story. As for all the haters, ignore them. If someone can't imagine a girl totally alone with a ton of money wanting some companionship then they are out of touch. Please continue.

Hey there, and thank you for the kind words.
I'll admit, it's not so easy to continue a story when there's been significant negative feedback. In this case, there's some of that, but also what feels like some legitimate criticism which needs to be addressed. I thought about it, and came up with a way to show more of where Dawn's been and why she is the way she is, but that necessitated rewriting the chapter in progress, and expanding it quite a bit as well, and somewhere in there I had an enthusiasm failure, so it's been sitting static for a while now.
I am trying to get back to it; thanks for letting me know you're out there.

Imagine, cruising down the highway, with the wind in your hair, when suddenly BANG, out of nowhere, a wall appears in front of you, and you crush, and go splash.

In our case, the wall is chapter 5, and what went splash is my SOD.

The scene with Dawn in bed with a total stranger came so sudden, I had to read the passage a few times to see if I got it right. Such a change from the last chapter...

Thank you for writing and sharing. The first four chapters were very entertaining, but I don't think I'll continue reading the story.

Hmm.
The runaway wildchild, recent protege of Faith that we watched for four chapters left you completely unprepared for a girl that (wants) takes (and has) her fun when and where she can get it? A girl who is comfortable with her sexuality freaks you out to THAT degree?
o_O

No, that's probably unfair of me--I suppose, as Lunameow said in his reviewage, I haven't given enough backstory to bridge the distance and differences between Season 5 Dawn and THIS Dawn, and the differences are therefore jarring.

Well.
It's a shame you're quitting here, but it happens.

Thank you for the review, though--The initial reaction is 'Ouch', but the followup response is an overwhelming desire to finish and post the next chapter, so as to show everyone just where this thing is going, and to prove that it's worth coming along for the ride.

Okay, this is going to be a quick and to the point review (I know, different right?) because I'm busy today and don't have much free time. So here are the points:

1. You need to show a little flashback of the Dawn/Faith period. The imagery of Dawn in bed with this strange guy she barely knows was jarring, because that's not how we normally see her. Dancing, flirting, kissing, sure. But she wasn't quick to jump into bed with people. Now that I remember that she had her whole time being with Faith, and learning from her more... morally questionable ways, it makes sense, but without that memory, it made the scene not fit. I actually had to re-read those first few lines three times to accept it in my head. It fits the Dawn you have, but not the one we know in our heads. It makes for a bad segue since we don't have much background story detailing her character changes. Maybe if you included more Faith references in Dawn's thoughts to show she learned more from her than just "stealing is okay"? Some comments that she often heard Faith say or something? But a flashback would probably be most helpful for the other readers. Just don't let it distract you if you do it. I know you said that you're already itching to write that segment as a little side-story anyway...

2. Wendy has to stay. Even once Dawn is with the SGC and working with them or whatever, she should stay with Wendy. She needs some kind of stable support system outside of the SGC who can offer unbiased advice, (although she'll have to paraphrase any problems she talks to her about obviously) like her mom was for her being not a part of the "Scooby Gang" and she can basically be the grandmother she never had in the show. Plus, I'm pretty sure we all like her. Only you can write a character into a fic for what, barely three paragraphs or so? And have people get attached.

3. Isn't Dawn curious to find out the plans of the people trailing her? Things like how hard they're looking for her, what things they have at their disposal to capture her? Why doesn't she teleport back into the mountain, and attempt to access the general's files in his office? She wouldn't have a hard time getting out, since she's already seen lots of places outside the base, so that fear from before wouldn't be a factor. You'd think that she'd consider trying to find out where her pursuers are going to be looking for her (since they'll no doubt be scheduled) and she doesn't know that the SGC isn't the same as NID. It helps that Hammond is getting copies of NID reports... plus it could allow for a quick accidental (or not so accidental) run-in with Daniel while she's snooping, before she gets captured by the NID. And since her unlocking powers works on pretty much anything, she should be the ultimate hacker (breaking in wise, not so much programming viruses and such).

4. About Dawn's image changing... This is just a personal thing, but I'm kinda torn on that. I guess I never thought of the differences between Buffy and Dawn physically as some sort of, I dunno, advanced glamour (only physical instead of illusory) that auto-renewed itself. The way you have it is kinda like hair dye. It was there, and made her look different from Buffy, but without more "dye" aka magic, the changes start wearing off. (Well growing more hair would be more appropriate for this analogy but you get the idea.) I always thought of it more like... they actually changed her DNA via magic. As such, it has been changed and it simply is what it is. Like transmuting lead to gold, the spell doesn't "wear off" it is completely changed. To change it back would require more magic. Once they physical body is changed, due to those changes it keeps the body as it is. When she cuts herself, she grown her own skin, not Buffy's. If she was turned into a frog she'd grow more frog skin, not human. Otherwise it'd just be an illusion. I dunno, I guess it's just that I have Wiccan family members so I've learned a lot about multiple types of magical beliefs, and then if you apply ideas of magic to science to see how it would work if it was a real thing... I'm just being stubborn and inflexible I guess. The hardest part was your comment that she won't fully become a Buffy look-a-like. If these changes were only held in place by magic (I guess the spell would have to have been set up so that they absorbed the necessary power from ambient magic just in the air and earth around her, since it apparently is a constant spell and not a one time change) and no there is no magic for them to feed off of, what's stopping her from turning into that exact clone you spoke of? Remember how I told you before that I love little detailed explanations in my Harmony review? This is causing the resistance in my mind. I can't figure out the little contradictions of the rules of the magic that changed Dawn's looks. As such, it seems kinda forced and my mind is resisting. Anyway, keep it up, and write more soon.

On a side note, these thoughts made me get out of my bed and go all the way upstairs to use the computer so I could review. I was reading this on my PS3, and didn't want to have to type this all in via the little on-screen keyboard. I'm sick, and I don't get up for much when I'm ill. You're a freaking awesome writer. Haven't read that story of yours I bought, but when I get to it I'll PM you a review. I got "Only Echoes Remain". I think. The one with the white girl and the black hair on the cover. Also, I'm going to Japan on October 13th. With how my flights are set up, I won't get there until 10 PM on the 14th EST. It would be SUPREMELY awesome if you had the next chapter of this and the Harmony fic up before then so I could print them out to read on the plane or while waiting in the airport for my connecting flights.

Great chapter. Keep up the good work. Love the story.

poor dawn

Good update. But with at least $2,000,000 in just cash alone, why is she still stealing? I know, because she can. And all she has to show for it is a tiny 'apartment' in some old house. I would imagine someone is going say "What is this rich hot chick doing with all that money? Is she renting out a 20 room mansion some place and throwing drug parties every night? Is she going clubbing every night? Well.....ya.....maybe that. We should check high end rentals and upper class night clubs. It's not like she's going to be hiding in some old lady's attic or something."

Those are all fair points; very much so.
And instead of responding here, I'm going to see if I can work them into the next chapter.
So... thanks!

Sooner or later Dawn is going to work her way through every bank and jewelery store in the state. How is Mayborne going to keep that quiet? It makes me wonder what the SGC could offer her to get her to work for them? Millions of dollars a week? I wonder if Dawn could teleport through an open wormhole to another planet, if she has been there before? Or even better, could she jump from near a gate on one planet to near a gate on another planet without the wormhole being established at all? That would almost be worth millions of dollars a day to the SGC. Dawn could be a great interplanetary thief, stealing technology for the defense of Earth! I'm glad she has set up a secure lair, or as secure as she can make it. The apartment will be more useful, with the bathroom and all, but she will need to be careful to keep it off the radar of the bad guys. At least she has more than one city to play with. Pity she isn't able to complete her Buffy transformation more quickly. It would leave Mayborne looking for the wrong girl!

She has around a third of Colorado to bounce around in (I haven't done the math or anything, but I do have a state map with a push pin in Cheyenne Mountain and a strand of chain that lets me do quick checks on what she can reach)
(Yes, I made a custom 'range chain', using my awesome chainmaille skillz--guess what color links I used?)

So anyway, she has lots of urban area to explore/inhabit/loot... though she's basically done stealing money, now that she has a nice cache of cash(???). The Jewelry stories, on the other hand, had better be ready to suffer lots of damage, since she collects shiny things like gamers collect in-game achievements.

The other stuff you mention is too directly tied-in to upcoming chapters to really talk about, but I'd have to agree with you that Dawn would be a valuable asset to the SGC. And if the military is willing to buy recon drones at a million dollars a throw, then surely a girl with a (literally) unique power is worth a certain amount of trouble and expense.

As always, thanks for reading/commenting.

The problem with this story is that Dawn is rather unlikeable, I understand that this depiction is actually canon, you probably intend for her to grow up at some point. Nevertheless, she's been acting like a brat for a good 50K words, about 2/3 the length of the the first Harry Potter book, it's too long IMHO, I hope we'll soon get some character growth.

PS: I wouldn't mind another chapter of Halloween!Harmony. ;-)

Your writing is far better than 'The-movie-that-shall-not-be-named'. I'm enjoying this story immensely and looking forward to Dawn and SG1's next meeting. Your Dawn is likeable one moment and infuriating the next, and I can see how her past life and her powers have made her who she is. It would be very temping for anyone to just take what they want since fate has taken eveything from them. Unfortunately/fortunately (depends on your point of view) her current situation will force her to grow up some, she can't go it alone forever, she's going to need friends.

Still loving this story!

There's a teleport called "hop-toad" where you pick a spot on the horizon, teleport, then pick a new spot and repeat.

Dawn ought to STEAL their electro-net, catch one of the NIDs to find out where they are based. (The Batman dangling-from- skyscraper technique works well)Then go and steal all their equipment.... Then kidnap them and drop them off in the middle of nowhere. Preferably during the middle of a blizzard.

Maybe the 120 mile limit is just limited by her present sensitivity? Although the abrupt drop-off is WEIRD!

Very nice chapter. The electroshock trap reminded me of "Jumper", lol... Dawn is going to have to realize soon that she needs help, otherwise she'll find herself strapped down on a dissection table :-(

Enjoying the story very much.....please keep them coming!

PS- Any thoughts on continuing A Day, A Knight, and Another Day? The third of Super Happy Bedtime Story?

---The electroshock trap reminded me of "Jumper", lol---

::Sitting in Lotus position, back straight, eyes closed, tips of middle fingers touching tips of thumbs::

'Ohmmmmm.... Ohmmmmmm. All is peace, all is emptiness. Serene.... Calm.... Ohmmmm....'

---Enjoying the story very much.....please keep them coming!---

That's the intention, yep!

---PS- Any thoughts on continuing A Day, A Knight, and Another Day? The third of Super Happy Bedtime Story?---

Yes.
I might get to it between the end of this first story arc in Dawn's story and the October run I'm going to do of Harmony's thing. If not then, then immediately after that. Though I also want to do the third chapter of that OTHER Dawn story.

Lots and lots of catching up to do!

Interesting story. I'm wondering if this is taking inspiration from the "Jumper" movie. It does seem rather similar in some respects as to how her teleportation works. With a few tweaks anyway. I wonder what'll happen next. :)

Edit: I wasn't referring to the plot, just the mechanics of it. I agree that the movie wasn't very good. Sorry if I offended. I mean line of sight or places she's seen. The badguys using electricity to try to trap her. It's been a while but I think the same sound effect, although I could be misremembering on that.

Edit2: Err, on further thought the LOS or places you've been thing is pretty standard for teleportation powers. I think nightcrawler from the x-men was similar, although as I recall he /could/ teleport to places he couldn't see, but it was dangerous since he could end up inside something. The electricity is also otherwise explainable since they're trying to take her alive and need something fast and wide area. But those two together and the whole crime spree made me think of Jumper.

---I'm wondering if this is taking inspiration from the "Jumper" movie---

::Blue-Screen-of-Death type Stare::

::Headdesk::Headdesk::Headdesk::

Okay, now you guys are just toying with me, aren't you?

---It does seem rather similar in some respects as to how her teleportation works. With a few tweaks anyway---

Yes, actually; it's similar in exactly the same way that all martial arts movies are rather similar, given that the physical act of performing martial arts involves the hero throwing punches and launching kicks at their opponents. Or all war movies being at least somewhat similar in that guns are used, and people get shot... in that sense, yes, this story is EXACTLY like 'Jumper'.
Because Dawn can teleport.
::nodnodnodnodnod::

But seriously, I've now reached a state of zen in regards to the whole thing. I'm not even going to fight it.

Thank you.
Sincerely, thank you. I'm glad you're reading the story, I'm glad you like it enough to comment on it, even if you compare it to a mostly-crappy movie. (I mean, at least the NID has an actual REASON to be chasing Dawn; something better than 'Only GOD was meant to have this power, SUMMERS!!!!')

So, thanks.
What happens next?
It just so happens that I know the answer to that, and I'll be happy to share it with you.
Here, just let me jot it down....

::Begins twelve to fifteen hours of typing::

ETA: Nope, you didn't offend. And you're right in that the basic mechanics I'm using (basically to put enough limits on her to keep things interesting) are very similar.
And yes, Nightcrawler is definitely a bigger influence on this story than Jumper; I was a HUGE Xmen comics fan back in the day. Not so much now, though I'll still occasionally pick one up. Nightcrawler's limit, where he could go beyond line of sight but only if he was willing to risk horrible results... that always rang false to me, since we knew he wasn't actually going to die. (Now, if Joss had been writing it, I would have been worried). In the same way, there was thing where he often made a really difficult 'port, and when he arrived he'd gasp something about 'arrrgh, was nearly trapped in transition', meaning, he was almost trapped forever in the pocket dimension he used as a shortcut when teleporting. Again, we knew that wouldn't happen, and in fact by the time he said it, he'd already avoided it that time around anyway, so--empty threat.
I'm making a point of not pulling that kind of stuff here.
Dawn's power is 'smart' enough to keep her from landing inside of things; it just isn't going to happen. If she tries to go somewhere she can't fit, or inside of a solid object, then it simply doesn't work.

The taser/electro-web thing; yeah, again that's just the sort of convergence that happens when you've got people trying to capture a teleporter. Taser-type things are just a natural. And, in the same fashion, I came up with something else for the NID that'll show up very soon, and after I did that I finished reading the Novel for Jumper, and found that the government agents chasing him had effectively the exact same thing... because that writer came up with the same, fairly simple answer to the problem that I did. (or vice-versa).

Anyway, no worries, you didn't get me that upset. It's actually a good thing; you're helping me with my desensitization training.
:-)

If the NID apply statistical analysis to the face recognition they might find where Dawn turns up most frequently. If she is to have any use of her money she must appear in person to the store (unless ordering online).

If she visit every store just once, it will 1) be exhausting, 2) she'll run out of stores to visit.

The Vail lair would be safe of course since she is literally bolted inside without a camera.

Dawn cannot jump to every place / store she intends to visit (legally) because obviously it attracts attention. If she walks just a little bit on a busy street, chances are she will pass cameras. In the stargate universe I assume NID can obtain any public and most private surveillance cameras at will.

Doing my bit to make Dawn's life ... challenging.

Assuming you have a reason for having Dawn reverting to more 'Buffy' like appearance but I can't figure out what. Just to say that maybe this is something the SGC will notice and add to the mystery of Dawn.

This is of course absolutely correct: She's trapped in a large but limited space, and the NID has enough time and resources to find her eventually.
She can't *really* avoid visiting any one location multiple times; not if she wants to keep going out at all.
Also, they don't even have to wait for her to do that; they can profile her well enough to make some fair guesses as to what TYPE of place she likes to visit, and then just blanket the most likely ones with agents, or pay off civilian informants. I'm consciously avoiding turning Maybourne and company into SuperNinjaGodmode types, but yep, given enough tries, they will find her.
Which is of course why she'll need friends.

The shift towards Buffy's look/template/cuteness: I might have some elaborate, mysterious agenda there, sure.... Or, you know, maybe it's just a thing that's happening, completely unconnected to anything else that's going on. Life is like that, you know? Not everything is a sign or portent, sometimes randomness is just random....
Or IS it???????
::dramatic stare::
'......................'

...No, seriously, it's probably just a non-thing that won't have any effect at all. Other than forcing Dawn to eventually steal yet more clothes and shoes, as she shrinks down to Buffy height over the next year or two.

interesting story...
looking forward to read more ^_^

Thank you thank you.
I look forward to providing more for you to read.
^_^

Poor Dawn, at least she can refuel in a safe-ish location. Or in Russia, lol!

Ha!
'In Soviet Russia, fanfiction writes YOU!'

(O_o)

Um.

'In Soviet Russia, Anthropomorphic Incarnation/Avatar of Ancient Mystical Force appears in YOUR secret military base which houses object of immensely powerful Alien Technology! Ha ha ha ha!!!!!!'

(o_O)

Okay, I got nothing.