This doesn't make much sense. They wouldn't have scheduled the meeting on that day if she would have had to leave to catch a plane for a funeral early in the afternoon. MAYBE a meeting at 0800... but likely no.
Then there's Sam not hearing someone fall and knock himself unconscious outside her door. Sorry, Sam could be focused, but even a simple knock could break her out of it and the commotion caused by an unconscious SF outsider her door and then the medics when he's found would certainly break her focus. Sorry, but I would cut the whole SCG scene, have Buffy go to the funeral (Also, she's not going to have to go to her knees for a 13 year old boy-he's likely to be as tall as her unless you're making Buffy taller for some reason) and then come back to meet the team. Likely the funeral would happen before she would get set up in CO, so it would make more sense that way too.
Review By [Oxnate] • Date [7 Aug 12] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Couldn't Hammond simply have gone on the loudspeaker with a "SG-1, please report to the conference room?" Or maybe he just isn't that enthused with the idea of being forced to take in a new SG-1 member & was only going through the motions? Seriously, forcing someone in like that, not a good idea. The Pentagon is lucky Hammond doesn't play games -imagine if he'd transferred SG-1 to "SG-Alpha" leaving Summers in "SG-1" with a bunch of rookies.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [7 Aug 12] • Not Rated
The story isn't bad, but it would be good to proofread and avoid the spelling/grammar issues. The mistakes distract and take focus from your story. You might want to double check on AF regulations on indoor hat wear. Most of the other branches forbid it, with some exceptions.
Comments from author:
1. I'll go back and fix any errors i find
2. As I said in the first chapter, some information was not avalable to me at the time about certain details of the story.
Review By [EasterCat] • Date [7 Aug 12] • Not Rated
This is an interesting start. Look forward to where you are going with it.
One nit. You have Buffy's time on the mile run as 1 minute 37 seconds, this would have Buffy running at close to 40 miles an hour. If this was intentional, you should have General Kerrigan reacting too it, either in shock, or calling the Major who did the report to confirm the time, if you want Buffy to be a world class runner, the current record for a woman doing the mile is a around 4 minutes 13 seconds.
Looking forward to next update.
Comments from author:
Thanks for pointing that out...I'll have to go back and fix it. Oh man. Every story has their mistakes right?
Review By [JoeB] • Date [2 Aug 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Quite a different Buffy here from what we are used to seeing. And well done to her on being promoted to Major in 6 years, that is very quick. Was she already at the SGC when the rest of her team died? Or was she just assigned there afterwards? I hope they can help her get over the loss of the her team, I am sure she would blame herself :(
Review By [Gideon] • Date [2 Aug 12] • Rating [7 out of 10]