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Ship of the Line: Hunting Snakes

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Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from jimk
Review:
One point you seem to have missed is the only reason the Stargate program was so small in the show was the budget for the TV show and not what it would have cost the military. Yes, it's grossly unrealistic that such a program would be so small but the first action of the US government would not be to bring in China or allies but to simply make it a major war program and put the millions of people into it that it would realistically have done if this were real. The whole keeping it secret and small would have been stupid in real life and again was only a gimmick so the show could be filmed with a normal TV budget.

Edit: Yeah, well the whole point was that easily making it international or quickly uniting the planet is not very realistic by itself. What's the reason for even feeling so pushed into it period? I'm not opposed to a good idea to make it global or someone wanting to make it such but your reply seems to indicate that you think it just has to be that way when it is actually the least likely outcome compared to Xander keeping the ship independent or it becoming American.
Comments from author:
/sigh/

I know that, I am not a complete idiot. Though I think it seemed a lot bigger in the series then what they could show during the last few seasons. However the reason I decided to make the Stargate Program international is that I didn't want to do what everyone else was doing and forcing the planet to unite just to get this tech or something. A few of the other Ship of the Line stories are having that, like the one with the Enterprise-E.

EDIT: /shrug/ Honestly, I am tired of the straight American SGC stories, read a lot of them and wanted to do something else for a change. Also like i mentioned you can blame the NuXCOM game for that, for originally I was just going with an IOA like organization but decided to throw this Council to make things different. Besides the planet is not honestly united, there is just an UN-like Council in charge of the SGC. By the way thanks for discussion for it helps to improve my story.
Review By [jimk] • Date [21 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from Raider
Review:
as always, nice work.
Comments from author:
Thank you for the review. I shall keep on trucking.
Review By [Raider] • Date [21 Jan 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from djhardim
Review:
To answer your question "I don't know where everyone is getting the idea that Xander has low-level force powers from. For I don't believe I mentioned that anywhere. Basically Xander has inherited almost everything from Anakin including his Force Powers. "

In your reply to Vianca, you said, "And no. While Xander may get a bit of Anakins powers in the Force it is not all that much. Basically he is similar to that one pilot in Wraith Squadron that has a very tiny bit of Force potential. So sorry not going to happen either"

Could you please clarify that reply? Thanks

EDIT: Just a thought about telekinesis - what about tactile telekinesis like Superboy? For the sake of argument, say that he is capable, using his normal strength, of lifting twice his body weight (not impossible). Using tactile telekinesis, he can lift five times as much of anything he is physically in contact with.
Comments from author:
Opps. Sorry about that. Completely forgot I wrote that before I switched gears on the story. For I mentioned I hit a brick wall earlier in writing this chapter, therefore I recently just threw out many of the ideas I had.

However no worries I am taking Cretins idea and running with it. Once again sorry about the confusion.
Review By [djhardim] • Date [21 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from Bobboky
Review:
Very good
Comments from author:
Thank you for the Review.
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [21 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 01: The Chaos Begins" from HMaxMarius
Review:
I would point out that Nuklear should go and watch the first season episode where Daniel steps through the mirror to the alternate SGC...

The one where O'Neill was the General and Hammond was the Colonel. As you very clearly stated in your first chapter that you were setting this story in /that/ universe. If he wants to pick nits, all you have to say is that Hammond is the one who led the Abydos mission in that reality.

Anyway, I am definitely enjoying this and greatly look forward to more.

Oh... one thing... Girl clonetroopers? :)
Comments from author:
Actually this Universe is not THAT universe, its a different Quantum Mirror-like universe. Since there have been plenty different of these universes showing up in the series.

As for Girl Clonetroopers, just wait my friend, more to come.
Review By [HMaxMarius] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from possom
Review:
Charlie is alive? Then why is Jack part of SGC? Charlie dying was the reason he joined the SGC in the first place.
Comments from author:
Like I mentioned there is a whole another story. However just some quick and dirty background for this. Basically this isn't the Charlie we know as in the Prime-Canon universe, notice he is older then the canon-Charlie. Well it wasn't Charlie who died thanks to Jack's gun, no it someone else in the family. And that is all I am going to say.
Review By [possom] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from clei
Review:
Comments from author:
Again I do not know where is everyone getting that Xander isn't getting Force Powers, but I may just follow through with your ideas after all. For that works out really good. Thanks for that. As for the first meeting with the SGC and Xander well I do have plans for that, and the SGC isn't going to be enjoying it. /evil laugh/
>
>
Good for you. This *IS* your story and you have every right to take it where you want to go. If a bunch of crybabbies don't like it, well let them write their own story, nobody is stopping them.
Comments from author:
Thanks for those words Clei, for I was getting a bit downtrodden from some of these reviews. So thanks.
Review By [clei] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from Nuklear
Review:
okay its well written and all but I'm going to have to bow out at this point, your alt SGC was already annoying me when you drag out Charlie still being alive and being a member of the SGC turns it to active dislike, at this point I'm hoping Skywalker vents the the atmosphere of wherever they try boarding, but your decision to remove Skywalker's Force powers after the spell ends kills the fic for me, especially as an answer to the 'ship of the line' challenge. Like I said its well written and I am sure others will find it enjoyable but for me its lost its appeal. Good luck with the story...

and please someone explain why when an author decides to make the SGC run but another country or a group of countries they instantly seem to think they have to add stuff like moon bases, ships, defense platforms, etc... other that to say 'look see how incompetent the USA military is' that is

Edit: its bad for a few reasons 1 - the one of the main reasons O'neill was tapped for the first mission through the gate was because he was basically suicidal due to the death of his son, so now there is no reason for him to have joined that mission 2 - if he lived, why did jack and his mother break up, unless Sam is his mother which doesn't make much sense to me 3 - if Charlie joined the military there is no way he would be assigned to SGC due to that putting him directly under his father's command which is against regulations... I am assuming Sam is a civilian in this AU for the same reason.
Comments from author:
Wait what, I never said anything about Xander not getting Anakin's Force Powers? As for Charlie O'Neill being alive how bad can that be? For this happens to be a Alt Universe after all. I have seen other Alt Universes keeping Charlie alive.

However it is your opinion therefore i am not going to say any more. Thanks for reading what you did read. Hopefully I didn't completely turn you off from the story and you be back, but sadly I don't think so.

EDIT: 1) Yes that's true but like I mentioned in another reply is that this Charlie O'Neill is different from canon, thanks to it being an Alt Universe after all. Therefore there could have been another member of his family killed, maybe Sara, or another kid. Also I know, I know then he wouldn't so suicidal to join the mission. But who says it has to go the way it did in canon, for once more its an Alt Universe.
2) See One. Though I would like further my earlier explanation with this: The original fic idea/plot bunny that I threw into this story, was that Charlie was Sam's kid from her past relationship. aka Jonas. It is also the reason for her leaving the Air Force. As for Sara O'Neill she was killed thanks another kid that she was babysitting/watching finding Jack's gun and ending up shooting her by accident. That is the plot bunny i mentioned a few times.
3) Who said Charlie joined the military, I believe I mentioned he wasn't. He is a civilian that has been trained to be a First Contact Specialist.
Review By [Nuklear] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from eriktheviking
Review:
A well written and intriguing change to canon events for all the crossover universes.
Comments from author:
Thank you. Stay tuned for it is going to be quite different.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from KingOfCretins
Review:
Interesting start I look forward to more

When it comes to Force powers might I suggest that you make a middle ground between full Force powers and almost none.
For instance you could leave the Force senses and enhanced reflexes allowing him to continue using a Lightsaber effectively including deflecting attacks as well as sensing the intentions of others and it would also help his piloting skills. At the same time you remove the Telekinesis, Mind Tricks and even Force Jumps, this prevents him from being too powerful but at the same time allows him to be a capable and dangerous warrior.

Being able to sense the intentions of others would certainly be helpful in the meeting with the SGC since he might be able to sense potential danger before the meeting occurs allowing him to take precautions (I suggest wearing fully sealed suits so they can depressurise the hanger and blow the SGC out if needed), he might also sense that they will take the ship by force if the talks don't go well.

You could also avoid making him much "weaker" than Anakin by explaining that the Force works differently in the BTVS Universe thus reducing some Force powers to almost nothing while others are remain the same or are only slightly reduced.

Please write more soon.
Comments from author:
Again I do not know where is everyone getting that Xander isn't getting Force Powers, but I may just follow through with your ideas after all. For that works out really good. Thanks for that. As for the first meeting with the SGC and Xander well I do have plans for that, and the SGC isn't going to be enjoying it. /evil laugh/

Thanks for the idea and review.
Review By [KingOfCretins] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from Thedruid
Review:
This is a good story, but for the fact that there is both too much information and to little. Your are deliberately skipping over some stuff, and overexpaining the things you do show.

You skipped over;
-What are the rest of the scobies doing?
-How did the spell end?
-Why did everyone choose the costumes they did?
-If Charlie is alive, why did Jack join the SGC?

You are over explaining;
-Equipment details. A list of stats does not make a story.
-Authors notes about stuff going on behind the scenes. A quarter of the last chapter was authors notes! I would really suggest you use flash-backs or foreshadowing scenes for this stuff instead of notes. It would give the story more depth and reduce the behind the scenes revealing you are doing. Besides, some people completely skip the authors notes. They shouldn't be necessary to understanding a story.
Comments from author:
/sigh/

Yes I know I tend to do Data-Dumps, but like many fanfic writers I try emulate the writing style of authors that I read. For me that is David Weber, who is famous for the Data Dumps. I have tried to tune it down, but it still seems to happen often.

"-What are the rest of the scobies doing?
-How did the spell end?
-Why did everyone choose the costumes they did?
-If Charlie is alive, why did Jack join the SGC?"

That is going to be answered a bit later when Xander visits Sunnydale. However it won't be much, for like i mentioned I am NOT a fan, nor ever will be, of the series therefore it won't for very long and will be the the only real visit for a while sadly.

The spell basically ended the same way it did in canon, though a bit later thanks to a few issues. It too will be explained during the Sunnydale visit.

The custumes choice was basically answered in this chapter by the mentioning that Rex was once a member of the 501st LA Garrison and still had connections there. Therefore he managed to get the costumes for the kids, and Xander. As for Xander getting his costume that will be explained later on as well.

The reason for this, is basically in my other YAHF stories no really liked the long lead up to the fun stuff. Therefore I just dropped everyone right in the middle of the action. Though it appears not everyone would like that. So I do apologize.

As for Charlie living, /sigh/ well that is a story itself. Another old story idea thrown in here in fact.

Now as for the overexplaining thing, well like I mentioned I like use Data Dumps for the story. Not the best idea, but is something I am working on along with the show don't tell thing in stories. /sigh/

As for the author notes, that is me covering my ass for in the past I have gotten flames and bad reviews saying why didn't you warn me of this or something like that. Therefore I know just point to the author notes, and Foreword mentioning that yes I did you just didn't read it. Also I DO NOT do flashbacks for I really hate doing them for it seems like you are rushing the story, and that it should have started before hand. Yes Flashbacks are good later in the middle of the story but here at the beginning is a big no-no.

I do believe that is it, besides thanks for the review.
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from Bluesnowman
Review:
excellent work keep it up.
Comments from author:
Thank you I intend to.
Review By [Bluesnowman] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from djhardim
Review:
Not bad. I do have a few questions though.

"Parts of this unit were deployed by themselves for various purposes, and one of these parts would be Torrent Company which here I have placed under the direct command of Anakin during the early days of the war when he is still a Padawan and into the early days of being a Jedi Knight. "

Are you saying that he's a Padawan? As I understand it, Padawans were given the rank of commander. Jedi Knights were generals.

Edit: It sounds as if Janus made Xander a low level Force sensitive because he didn't want to take the chance that Xander would become a Sith. Possible Jedi candidates - From SG-1, Charlie O'Neill and Daniel Jackson. From BtVS - Jonathan and Oz.

Additional thought: "However that is not all for apparently this ship is configured for deep-space operations and sports six I-C2 Construction Droids, and twenty-four RB-I3 Zero-Gee Repair and Worker Droids to help keep the ship in operation for a long time. There is also twelve I-M3 Mining Droids which paired with the docked Factory Ship... "

As far as giving any technology to the Earth Defense Council, might I suggest building them their own Droids of the types previously mentioned? It could possibly, for example, speed up the construction of the Prometheus.
Comments from author:
"Are you saying that he's a Padawan? As I understand it, Padawans were given the rank of commander. Jedi Knights were generals."

In the beginning of the war yes, Anakin was a Padawan. What I was saying is that Torrent Company was organized then and placed under the direct command of Anakin by the orders of the Chancellor. Later when Anakin became knighted, he would receive the command of the expanded 501st, and command of Torrent Company would later be handed down to his own Padawan Ashoka.

I don't know where everyone is getting the idea that Xander has low-level force powers from. For I don't believe I mentioned that anywhere. Basically Xander has inherited almost everything from Anakin including his Force Powers.

As for the SGC and ADF getting stuff from Xander and his forces. Yes, that will happened eventually but that is ways off. For Xander is not going to be happy with the Council and the SGC thanks to them boarding the ship, and trying to take it from him.

Also I already have some plans on what the SGC and ADF will get, and it should prove interesting.
Review By [djhardim] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 02: Through the Gate" from Vianca
Review:
If you take a hint of how Trawn improved cloning times, I suggest you look up prison cell and Jedi cell kinda stuff, some of them can shield against the force, while others just disrupt your concentration.
If they have the blueprints for things like the Trade Federation stuff onboard, for battleplaning stuff, then they might just be able to use a trade federation battleship it's computer as a main computer and use the droid control function (hard-wired instead of wifi) to improve slave-circuiting(?) the ships.

Their main problem is things like blaster gas and those other gasses, since it's wast from some creatures that live in gas gaints.
Maybe you can use a combo of cloning and building droids to get the right gasses?
Well, atleast untill they have a crude replicator running.
Would mean that for a while they would be running on lower quality, while saving the higher quality for a emergency and then stricking gold in the form of infinite high quality.

For now I would try and get to a more "out of the way" place, while leaving some stealthed com-sat behind.
They could always use troop-insertion gear for trips to Earth.
Before, you know, the Earth nations pull a "Moon Raker(?)" .
As for that upgrade option I meationed in my last review, they could maybe use it for when they design and build a upgraded Venator, possibly lengtend as well, so she gets more of a Imperial star destroyer look.
Do suggest Xander and co raid the internet.

Star Wars has a tablet variant that is slight thicker, especialy on the top-side, that has a holoprojector build in as standaard.
So you got options there, now they only need HUB's for the fighter and so.
Best thing is that the cloning facility has a teaching system as part of it's setup-up.
Comments from author:
Thank you for the review. I mentioned that I didn't want to produce clones like battle droids so I have a few ideas already.

As for the Blaster Gas, yes I noticed that, and I tend to go research about the Tibanna Gas before I start writing up another chapter. I originally thought the Blasters just needed to be recharged but then I remembered everything about the Blaster Gas from the old EU Star Wars books that I haven't read in years.

As for 'out of the way', well Xander will do that once he gets the first meeting with the SGC out of the way. There he will start building up his forces, after a very brief meeting with the Scoobies in Sunnydale.

Again thanks for the review.
Review By [Vianca] • Date [20 Jan 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Part 01: The Chaos Begins" from Toraneko
Review:
well, i like it so far, and i hope to see more of it in the future.
Review By [Toraneko] • Date [19 Jan 13] • Not Rated
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