Review of chapter "Redirected" from raven
The idea for this story is wonderful-much more original then "he/she is related to..." or "he/she falls in love/lust to..." but there are a couple of inherent problems. The first you semi-addresses in that Paul Davis arranges for Maj. Gen. Carter to come back to command the facility. But it seemed to be swept under the rug an awful lot-SGC is a major installation and carries a lot of power-one of the reasons there are so many turf battles in canon is that power. It might make any continuation of this story/AU stronger if that was investigated a bit more thoroughly. After all, you not only have an alien partially in command of a secret installation, but you also have him in command of a close relative-both would be frowned upon in the best of circumstances.
The second is the idea of SGC arranging the prosecution of the Scoobies. I know it was needed to move the story where you wanted to go, but right now there are many flaws. The smallest of which is the contention that Faith was under 18 at the time she signed the confession. The second is that the only witness is Buffy-as far as I recall Buffy never testified, etc. so the crime is entirely contingent on Faith's word and the confession-any competent attorney could easily overturn the remainder of her sentence. As for Buffy, her record was wiped-any charges were either dropped or never filed for lack of evidence. There is nothing to prosecute there-only suspicion. If there was evidence against Xander, I can't imagine there being no charges by now. Add to it that property theft in CA is a 3 year statute and he is home free unless they go for a stronger charge, but chances are the statute would be up on that as well (after all, only treason and murder carry liftime statutes-he didn't do anything that bad). Same for Willow, hacking is a stronger penalty but unless she has done it lately from Scotland then she should be good. Dawn would also be up from the shoplifting-restitution was made without charges filed and statute should have run or come close to running by now.
Add to it that there would be extradition from the UK and that has always been a contention since the US allows capital punishment for capital crimes (ie murder) and the chances of the SGC succeeding on their threat is rather remote. (Granted extradition of a citizen is easier in these circumstances, but depending on the political climate the UK could easily cause problems with the extradition.) Even with all that power, I would imagine that even a newly reformed Council has a few favors of their own that would match the threat. My apologies that this is so long, but this really is a large hole in the plot.
Not to be all bad reviewer-your Thor is spot on and I loved Dawn thumping Daniel when he offered help translating. The same for witholding Wather/Slayer realtionship information. Polite, but firm refusal. Quite well done. And Andrew as answer guy was quite refreshing, he may be a bit annoying but the guy is rather brilliant when it comes technology and assembling information. Nice to see three of the rarest used characters utilized so effectively. All in all, an excellent first story. Look forward to seeing more in the future.
Comments from author:
Wow. Thank you. I'm incredibly flattered that you put time and thought into your review of my story. You have nailed down, quite specifically, some of the nebulous problems that I had a feeling were there, but couldn't put a finger on. I am currently revising this story and working on a sequel, so I may address those problems in future, or come back and alter them in this one. Howsoever, I do love it that you spent the time to be so detailed. Thanks a bunch.
Review By [raven
] • Date [2 Jun 04] • Rating [7 out of 10]