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Chaotic Existence

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Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from demonianism
Review:
A wonderful story. The dialogue was great and fairly natural, the characters felt like real people, and the story was coherent. In addition you managed to tie in the two universes quite well.

A couple of points: first, the story is a bit rushed. Everything that's gone on has been in a single year. That's a lot of stuff to happen in a year and while I'm not sure, I think Hathor's giving birth might have been way faster than 9 months. Second, Xander's promotion is way off. It should have been a promotion to Captain (assuming he was a 1st Lt and not a butter bar). LtCol is a step below Colonel, not a step above Lt.
Review By [demonianism] • Date [10 Mar 14] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from Silver
Review:
I cannot give this a 10 because it has not been updated in 6 years!!! I have to ask, are you even writing anymore? The other one of your stories I was following is King Xander. As much as I enjoy your writing, especially the team up of Xander, Oz, Ken & Skaara - in this story, I have to believe that you are no longer writing or at least are no longer interested in writing for this fandom or posting on this site. Why? Because it has been since 2008 (and 2007, respectively) since these stories were updated or there was a response to a review. Of course, real life may have just permanently kicked your butt.. and so no writing. It's a real shame that your stories, which have such great potential will go unfinished. I was going to e-mail you directly, but no address is on your profile. I do hope that you will let us know if you are EVER going to pick up these lovely stories again. In the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that I am (with much sadness) removing these from my tracking list, and I hope that I will see more of your work in the future.
Review By [Silver] • Date [4 Dec 13] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from DieselDriver
Review:
Many places the wording is awkward or perhaps just wrong. Or perhaps it is the difference between "brands" of English. Or perhaps it's just a lack of proofreaders. Proof reading your own material is bound to leave in mistakes and typos.

For instance: " It is called by experts on this sort of thing, as a Hellmouth, a real source of our myths regarding demons,".

I would say it should be worded like this: "It is called by experts on this sort of thing, a Hellmouth, a real source of our myths regarding demons,"

Or perhaps like this: " It is referred to, by experts on this sort of thing, as a Hellmouth, a real source of our myths regarding demons,"

There are a lot of these sort of errors in all the chapters, but it seemed like more as I got closer to the end of what you've written so far. Mind you, I enjoyed it very much so far even with what I perceive as errors. I'm looking forward to the next part/story, whatever in the series. I really want to see Kinsey taken down. I hope you can figure a way to do it. As inventive as this story is, I'm sure you can. Totally different take from that of any other stories I've read so far. Heh, that last sentence is in American English. British would be "Totally different take to that from any other stories I've read so far." I don't understand why the British say "to" instead of "from" in a sentence like that. "From" to me implies difference. "To" doesn't, at least not to me. On the other hand, I would never say "at least not from me." Would anyone word it that way?

I know I'm a nit picker but that's better than being a nose picker. (eewww). I used to work as a technical writer and editor and we all passed our work to each other to have second and third pairs of eyes looking for errors and we found a lot more that way than if we only had one proofreader.

I like the story a lot. Just needs some fine tuning is all. Thanks for posting it and I look forward to more, much more. SOON!!! LOL
Review By [DieselDriver] • Date [10 Sep 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from jgoodman
Review:
Love this story and can't wait to read more! Please update
Review By [jgoodman] • Date [31 May 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from HMaxMarius
Review:
More please! I have really enjoyed this and hope you continue it at some point... You have brought the SGC to Sunnydale just in time to prep for Graduation Day...

I can see a very different fight happening there...
Review By [HMaxMarius] • Date [23 Apr 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Family Growth" from SledgeHammerBB
Review:
Xander is, in fact, following SOP where it comes to military spouses. Hathor is, when it gets down to brass tacks, his wife. (Common-law, but still wife.) They have a son. Leaving his grandfather out of the mix, Xander is a military officer in the USAF (though the rules would be no different if he were enlisted), he is basically going up the chain of command (Xander's immediate boss is NOT his grandfather, but Maj. Davis. Col. Maybourne is NID liaison, but is NOT in the chain of command of either Xander OR Maj. Davis, though he outranks Davis. Maj. Davis reports to Col. O'Neill who is dual-hatted as OIC, SG-1 and XO of the entire SGC. That's why, surprisingly, Maybourne is not as upset as you would think - THIS Maybourne, unlike the canon one, has his head screwed on pretty straight.) - which will makes sure every I is dotted, and every T crossed.
Review By [SledgeHammerBB] • Date [1 Nov 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from (Recent Donor)nerfherder
Review:
You started out with a few bobbles but improved steadily chapter by chapter. The premise was sound and the humor was engaging. This is a sound piece of work with a lot of promise. Please, continue it.
Review By [(Recent Donor)nerfherder] • Date [10 Aug 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from nemmodo
Review:
Loved the story would definitly like to see more.
Review By [nemmodo] • Date [14 Nov 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from leonamasha
Review:
This is a very interesting story. It's a shame that it hasn't had an update in so many years. Just happy to have read what you did post! Thanks for this.
Review By [leonamasha] • Date [25 Sep 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from (Recent Donor)zima
Review:
Really good story
Review By [(Recent Donor)zima] • Date [15 Sep 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from IcemanII
Review:
I just found this story. Very interesting ... its a lot of fun. Nice Xander story. But you haven't updated in some time. Any chance you will continue the story. Looks like the X man gets his pack back.

Kyle DuFours
Rhonda Kelley
Tor Hauer
Heidi Barrie

http://buffy.wikia.com/wiki/The_Pack
Review By [IcemanII] • Date [25 Apr 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from LordSia
Review:
Cool. Pity you haven't continued on htis, your writing is witty, intriguing, good with both drama and action (though the fights could be slightly more... Elabourate), overall, very nice.
Review By [LordSia] • Date [12 Jan 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from Godogma
Review:
This is a quite excellent fic and I'm sorry to have seen the end of it - however the latter chapters had become very predictable; Kinsey really wasn't as smart as portrayed in the fic and I found it very disturbing how easy you had the very total takeover of the SGC by Kinsey and his goons established.

Overall I enjoyed the story, but frankly much like the show you based it on it had some major flaws. Namely the fact that a mountain full of black ops people didn't deal with threats to the world effectively, mainly because the writers wanted to draw out the BS. I just can't see how Kinsey and the various others were allowed to progress in the manner they did.

I also don't get the idea that the President would remove all the folks from the SGC and turn it over to the NiD when the connections came to the forefront. Especially with the various mercenaries and whatnot there who would have talked under interrogation as to who hired them and such. I know you were setting up a larger Sunnydale plotline with it and wanted the SGC cast there - but many of the people you took out from under the mountain couldn't logically have been replaced and almost none of them were even remotely a security risk.

I can't agree with that as a plot line, and your fight scenes could use some serious work in the earlier parts beginning with Boston that came to light intensely. Your story was well written although disjointed in several places before that and afterward, I'd like to see it continued but I'd really like to see the world not end from the Space front as well.
Review By [Godogma] • Date [18 Dec 09] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from ebony
Review:
Please update I would love to know how this ends.
Review By [ebony] • Date [7 Dec 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Transtions to a New Military Surreality" from spring
Review:
I love the story. I have to wonder though why everyone in SG-1 is accepting this so easily, as they were told about things and they as the military really have no practical experience in this. I have to ask why is this unfinished?
Review By [spring] • Date [4 Jun 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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