Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Live on New Server

A new Day Dawning

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Caught" from (Past Donor)boo
Review for whole story. I have to agree with Kibbly (sp?) on the grammar. Might I suggest that you recruit abeta to help you proof your grammar. and ditto on the schedule interruptions......I only slept for one hour last night because I stayed up all night reading your story! This is awesome. Please write more. I think this will continue to get even more interesting. Keep up the good work.
Review By [(Past Donor)boo] • Date [9 Nov 05] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Happy" from (Recent Donor)etznab
Wow! I was late to work because I was reading this story - that's one of the highest compliments I can give. I belive the dialogue involving the captain and Jayne are very true to character. I really hope you continue. The only thing keeping it from being a solid ten are some gramatical errors.
Review By [(Recent Donor)etznab] • Date [8 Nov 05] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Caught" from WitchyGrrl
Wow, I just want to tell you that I completely screwed over writing a four-page paper to reading all of what you've written so far. LOL, four pages isn't a lot, I know, but when you don't have a're all sorts of screwed over. But hey, this fic was SO totally worth it!!! I was absolutely spellbound, and now I can never watch Firefly episodes the same way ever again. Thanks. :) I look forward to more!!!
Review By [WitchyGrrl] • Date [7 Nov 05] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Caught" from gabbygal
i just read this whole story, and its really really good. i'm not usually a big J/R fan pairing, but you just did such a great job i might have to change my mind about that. Great job:)
Review By [gabbygal] • Date [7 Nov 05] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A new Day Dawning" from (Recent Donor)kribby

I can't believe that no one else has reviewed your story--


Great work.

(sorry-- I feel committed to ensuring that you know you are awesome since apparently 312 people have glanced at but have not reviewed!)
Review By [(Recent Donor)kribby] • Date [7 Nov 05] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A new Day Dawning" from (Recent Donor)kribby
Oh one other thing... you have to change the rating. I believe it is closer to NC-17 than G... I think folks get mighty pissed if there is unidentified adult content on their site.
Review By [(Recent Donor)kribby] • Date [7 Nov 05] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "A new Day Dawning" from (Recent Donor)kribby

I love your story. I think you have got all the characters down perfectly-- river sounds like river, the cap'n sounds like cap'n... etc. I especially like how you extended the story. This is all in all seamless. This review is for the entire story-- which I have just read. You are the reason I am *cough, *cough sick. I played hooky from work partly b/c I saw this and began reading and then rationalized taking a day off.

My only complaint is that your verb tenses are frequently completely incorrect. You should use the past tense more often. For example,

"Mal is feeling two things at this point. The main being anger. He had never wanted to kill someone more than he did at this moment. The other being confusion. Why was River so lucid? A few seconds ago she was talking in riddles and now she was making perfect sense."

Your first sentence should read. "Mal felt two things at this point."

Check out the following website for information.

This could also be considered a passive voice problem. Don't say -- Inara is thinking. Say-- Inara thought.

This other link also has some information about active/passive voice.

I hope it is okay to post links on this site. I didn't check before I did so.

Please keep on writing! You have a real winner here.

(just a hint-- more folks will review if you post 1 chapter at a time... like a chapter every other day or something)

Fic's get lost when there are 10 chapters posted in one day. Once the fic is off the 'latest page' it is less likely to be read by regular viewers of this site. Well, folks will read it if they search for it-- but even that is unlikely. I mean folks will search for a particular couple or a fandom but this is hit or miss.
Review By [(Recent Donor)kribby] • Date [7 Nov 05] • Rating [9 out of 10]
start back Page: 2 of 2
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking