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Knight of Angels

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Review of chapter "Chapter 11 Once a Watcher, Always a Watcher" from mendenbar
Review:
Dear heart, finally I find another chapter to this delightful story. Do you no longer have the "A Charming Hellmouth" site up? I tried to reach it and got a does not exist message. Nevertheless, I am so pleased to find a new chapter here. Please, please consider updating/finishing this story. This entire series is a wonderful find and an enticing read. I have enjoyed all of this series and find your alternate universe to be a place I would like to be. Best wishes as ever, D (this is my name, not an emoticon!) aka mendenbar
Review By [mendenbar] • Date [15 Apr 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 1 A New Partner" from (Current Donor)romero
Review:
I'm so happy to see a new chapter for this story! I thought your voice of Giles at the airport was amusing. It was interesting to follow his train of thought as he examined the facts Willow and Cole had given him. Natalie is lucky that Giles arrived on the scene and hopefully can answer her questions about vampires. I hope we'll see more of Dru, Angel and step-mom Buffy :) Knowing that this story ties into 'Willow In Thorns'..makes this story even more appealing to me. I'm wondering when or if Spike will come on the scene. I admit that I'm a fan of the four: Angel (even Angelus), Buffy, Spike and Dru and I love reading crossovers with them involved. Thanks for a wonderful update.
Comments from author:
Thanks for your review! I'm glad you liked this chapter. I'm really happy to bring it off of hiatus. Don't worry about Spike - I'll have to write him in eventually. Remember he shows up in A Willow in Thorns.
Review By [(Current Donor)romero] • Date [2 Dec 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 11 Once a Watcher, Always a Watcher" from TimeTwist
Review:
Ok, its been a while since I read this and started from the beginning. Hope you don't take this wrong but I would consider a major rewrite if I was you. The plot seems fine, although a little slow developing, The characterizations however, except for Drusilla and Janette, are way way off.

First there is LaCroix. LaCroix is a very manipulative and I haven't seen that at all so far. Also, I don't see any of his sarcasm or nobility, he was a Roman General as a noble which implies aristocracy and arrogance, and in the show Lucien showed a lot of the arrogance that came with being a general, most notably when he yelled out a challenge to the gods while Mt. Vesuvius errupted. Some arrogance on LaCroix' part was shown in this story, but it just didn't seem right.

I can understand how he can be intrigued with Drusilla, but he would more likely see her as some pawn he could manipulate for his own means, most likely in a way to bring Nicholas closer to him and further from humanity, and in a way that Nicholas would know but also deflect all blame from LaCroix. I recall him manipulating the insane several times in the show, as well as being wary and afraid of them and people without a conscience, i.e. Jack the Ripper and Adolf Hitler respectively. Which is why I don't see how Drusilla could do anything to him like what happened in chapter 10, in fact this should be impossible considering the mental powers the Forever Knight vampires have.

Sure there might be some kind of obsession with Drusilla, but except when dealing with Nicholas and his loves LaCroix' obsessions have been short in the show.

Angel relationship with Drusilla is also way off, its only the fact that he feels some regret for turning her, that Angel never killed Drusilla. I don't ever recall him being protective of Drusilla, more likely he would be thankful if she was destroyed.

As for Angelus and Drusilla, the few times I have seen Angelus in the show or flashbacks to Angelus I don't recall him considering her his daughter and someone he had to protect. He saw her and Spike as compatriots in violence, and each as someone who would entertain him, although for different reasons. In fact as Angelus he was somewhat like LaCroix in that he liked to manipulate those around him.

The lines given by the characters seem far too off. For example in chapter one the following line.

“Very good, Detective. Very good.” Angel chuckled, and then looked around as a squad car entered the garage. “Now, personally, I'd rather we didn't have such a public discussion. Shall we go to my car or yours? Probably yours, as I'm still waiting for the police radio to be installed.” Angel suggested as he motioned at his car across the garage.

The first part sounds far too arrogant for Angel, and more like what you would find in a cheesy 60s spy movie, in fact I can almost hear this line being said by Doctor Evil, from Austin Powers.

Another section: Angel laughed. “Quite. I guess he's in the stage known as denial. I don't know about the woman, though. She really doesn't seem too surprised at the existence of us.”

The denial lines sounds more like a line Buffy would say, not Angel.

Some lines however do match the characters like the following section:

Dru considered this. He was right. She would just have to earn stepmummy's love too. Yes! That would be the thing. “Daddy. I want to do this. I just have to earn stepmummy's love, that's all.”

Angel choked nonexistent air in disbelief. Of course, simple. Only Dru would consider that life could be this simple. “Dru, you killed her fellow Slayer, Kendra. You tried to destroy the world.”

“You helped, Daddy.”

“Ahem. Yes that's as may be. You tortured her Watcher.”

“Did not.” She said disgusted. “I only got inside his head. You were torturing. Remember? You said they hadn't invented chain saws yet the last time you tortured someone.”

Angel looked at his feet nervously. Then, he smiled nervously at Nick. “Yes, well. That was Angelus, not me.”

In closing I would say, keep up the story, but consider re-reading it again and checking the characterizations.
Comments from author:
Wow! That was quite a comment. Where do I start in my response. First of all, this was my second ever fan fiction, so I believe that the first few chapters probably are a lot weaker than others. First, let me say, that I don't really think a re-write is in order. Although I can see why some people might think that. When I first started this, I hadn't thought about tying it in with my other fic, A Willow in Thorns. However, that is what I ended up doing.

Now, to tackle your comments.

LaCroix: I agree I probably don't show his arrogance as well as it was portrayed in the program. But I disagree on your comments about his relationship with Dru. I believe he is capable of falling in love (or lust) with someone. (Remember Fleur?)

Your comment about mental powers: I don't believe that these vampires have extensive mental powers. Sure we see them do that whole mesmerizing thing. But Dru, she's different. She was psychic as a mortal, and as the first 5 senses get magnified after being turned, so I would imagine did the Sixth.

Angel's relationship with Drusilla: Now, I have always taken a slightly different take than most on this. I believe that Drusilla is the Most Favored Childe of Angelus. Insane or not, Angelus never killed her. He delighted in her and what he had created. Secondly, I believe that Angel, though guilt-ridden over what had happened, would not kill her unless forced to. I suppose we can call it creative license, I guess I took more away from the flashbacks.

Thanks for the comments on the dialogue - I think I'm still working on these types of things. I am working more on the plot. When I first started, I'm afraid that I didn't really have it well fleshed out. I actually put it on hiatus. I just now went back to it.

Thanks again for the great comments!
Review By [TimeTwist] • Date [29 Nov 06] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 11 Once a Watcher, Always a Watcher" from purrfus
Review:
yeah - new chapter! I of course mean this in the most supportive non-pushy way possible........

After reading this chapter I went back and re-read the story from the beginning. The first time I read this and reviewed I really didn't go into much detail, so I decided to change that this time.

The relationship between Buffy and Angel is a lot of fun to read, and certainly seems to be where it needs to be in order to match up with the future stories in this series. Dru's desire to bond with her step-mommy and her attachment to Janette is very well presented. Lucien is lovely; I can't wait until he meets Giles. The unveiling of Giles feelings for Buffy is nice, and the airport scene was so good.
Comments from author:
Thank you for such a nice words about Knight of Angels. I had put it on hiatus because I wasn't sure where it should go. I had left it so long that I, too, had to re-read the previous 10 chapters.

I'm glad you think all the relationships are working. I'm trying very hard. I, too, also want to keep it tied with my Willow in Thorns series.

Thanks again.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [29 Nov 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "10 The Day After" from purrfus
Review:
Go Dru! Intense, sexy, and plot - oh one of my most favorite things.
Review By [purrfus] • Date [16 Oct 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "10 The Day After" from (Current Donor)romero
Review:
I liked the way the 4 women got along and it was funny how they threw the 2 troll witches to Angel and LaCroix to destroy. I think Dru is a great character and am looking forward to reading what will happen between her and LaCroix. I loved the way Dru took control of LaCroix when he went to bed at Nat's.
Review By [(Current Donor)romero] • Date [5 Sep 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 9 The Girls Go Trolling" from zhokara
Review:
good read... can't wait to see more about the trials that LaCroix will have to endure to get with Druscilla and what will Spike do when he finds out...hmmm....more, please!
Review By [zhokara] • Date [16 Jan 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 9 The Girls Go Trolling" from Erica
Review:
This is a very exciting story. It really kept me on the edge of my seat. I like how even though this takes place in the same universe as Willow in Thorns the the dynamic for the main couples are so opposite. Were WIT is more calm and family oriented, KOA is all excitement and fast paced. But that is just my opinion. Keep up the great work.
Review By [Erica] • Date [15 Jan 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 8 La Vue Secondaire" from immortalwizardelffan
Review:
I am loving this story. And I love Buffy's reaction when Dru calls her step-mummy to her face. I also love Janette's reaction when Dru suggested calling Buffy. Buffy must be thinking she's out of her mind when she let Janette AND Dru and Nat come with her. Please update soon.
Review By [immortalwizardelffan] • Date [31 Dec 05] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 6 A Talk With The Nightcrawler" from ElfgirlJen
Review:
Can't wait for Spike to show up!
Review By [ElfgirlJen] • Date [28 Dec 05] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 6 A Talk With The Nightcrawler" from Nightscream
Review:
Very good! I love that you update quickly for this fic, I wish the chapters were a little longer though :)

Overall a good fic, don't let people who "flame" get you down. And as for not writing them in "character" I do belive in one of the last eps when Buffy was fighting Caleb that Angel just sat there proped up against a wall making comments along the lines of how he missed watching her fight.

Good luck with this, and let us know if you need anymore help with ideas and such.
Review By [Nightscream] • Date [19 Dec 05] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 5 My Daddy Still Loves Me" from TimeTwist
Review:
Decent chapter. One correction, you had LaCroix' age way off. LaCroix is around 1900 years old, he was a Roman General named Lucius who brought across in 79 AD when Mt. Vesuvious erupted. Your other characters may be a little off from the shows, but you got Drucilla spot on. Definitely better than most who completely overdo her wackyness. LaCroix needs a little more work though.
Review By [TimeTwist] • Date [17 Dec 05] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 5 My Daddy Still Loves Me" from immortalwizardelffan
Review:
Oh dear Lord! It's like Dru had a bloody chip put in her head instead of Spike. I wonder if it was Ms. Edith or the stars that told Dru to try and do good. I can sense Buffy's reaction to Dru's "change of heart" and it is sooooo not of the good. But I like it. Update soon!
Review By [immortalwizardelffan] • Date [17 Dec 05] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 4 Her Heart Belongs to Daddy" from (Moderator)KaylaShay
Review:
I came over to read this after Buffy's appearance in your Willow/Cole story. Another fun outing with some of my favorite characters. Although I will miss getting your take on Tracy and Vachon, but otherwise a great beginning. Keep up the great work!
Review By [(Moderator)KaylaShay] • Date [17 Dec 05] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 4 Her Heart Belongs to Daddy" from LNR
Review:
Oooooh, I really like this one. More please.
Review By [LNR] • Date [17 Dec 05] • Rating [8 out of 10]
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