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Review of chapter "Saturday II" from jimk
Review:
This became significantly better written as the chapters progressed. The story itself became much more coherent. At first I wasn't too impressed but by the end it was a very enjoyable and fun story.

Although, I still think the only one of the group so far that seems to have any real snap is Dawn. She immediately used it to download all technical knowledge, give herself extreme abilities, starships and use it to create manufacturing platforms. Everyone else seemed to suffer from an extreme lack of imagination.

Even Dawn though is not taking this to it's logical conclusion. Given the capabilities of the MAU and that everyone has seemed to be absurdly willing to chance extensive mental and physical changes, you would think everyone would have a Green Lantern ring or equivalent and everyone would have a body with the powers of Superman and Lobo, (or as close as the MAU can accomplish), with none of the disadvantages along with of course true immortality. Otherwise the characters seem kind of stupid in this regard.
Comments from author:
I know. Problem with a story like that is that nobody would want to read it.

I've tried writing that story & it sucks. great big hairy sweaty giant donkey balls.

Seriously, it's no fun to write, let alone read... There has to be some sort of challenge for the protagonists to overcome or there's no story there. no interest in reading it.

"Xander gives himself the powers of the Q. Xander snaps his fingers and all the vampires and demons on the planet disappear permanently. Xander thinks about the universe & snaps his fingers. This time, all the Goa'uld Vanish."

What exists to challenge him? Other Q? Sorry, but I really have no idea how to write a battle between omnipotent forces. The scoobies are bad enough as it is... The only ones that can really challenge them are the Alterans, Ori, and Anubis.

I have already made them more powerful as a group than any other author has dared to go, only because I can imagine forces that I can sally against them and make it not suck too badly. The other two arcs of this story are just as bad for this very reason.
Review By [jimk] • Date [19 Mar 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Sunday" from jimk
Review:
That was absurd. As Churchill said "democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried."

You spend all that time talking about a new form of government and then you go back to one of the oldest, a hereditary king or emperor "the One" with a legislature. Not much new or even effective there. You know the Romans found out a long time ago what the problem was with hereditary leaders.

If you want Xander to be in charge because the machine has made him super human then just do it and set him up as a benevolent dictator. You can at least make an argument that is based on him literally being boosted above everyone else.
Review By [jimk] • Date [19 Mar 11] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from kitsuneofdarkfire
Review:
earlier i noticed that you discounted the use of colonial battlestars cause they where to small i believe you said they where only 600metters long that is very VERY VERY wrong.
Race Colonial
Type Military
FTL Yes
Propulsion
Crew Approximately 3,500
Capacity
CO Admiral William Adama
XO Colonel Saul Tigh
Role Carrier / battleship hybrid
Weapons As many as 514 dual point-defense Kinetic Energy Weapons, 24 primary dual Kinetic Energy Weapons, at least 12 missile tubes capable of firing conventional and nuclear missiles, Vipers, Raptors
Armaments {{{arm}}}
Status Abandoned, flown into the Sun with the Fleet
Other Images More images...
Dimensions
Length 4720 feet (1438.64m)[1]
Width 1762 feet (536.84m)[2]
Height 602 feet (183.32m)
Weight {{{weight}}}
Wingspan {{{wingspan}}}
Other The dimensions above are from Lee Stringer, who built the Galactica CG model. VFX Sequence Designer Adam "Mojo" Lebowitz gave the length as 4740 feet (1444.8m).[3] The reason for this twenty-foot discrepancy is unknown.
enjoy Galactica which is 1/3 the size of the battlestar pegasus 600 meters my ass
Review By [kitsuneofdarkfire] • Date [29 Jan 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from Bill
Review:
Great to see more of this!
Review By [Bill] • Date [1 Jan 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from LFW
Review:
Really enjoying the mix of technologies.
I do think that more should be added about Willow and Dawn talking about the relationship they have with Xander.
And a talk with Xander about the relationship.
And a talk with Joyce, since as the Mom she has lots of say in the XWD dating.
I want a Valkyrie; did all of the additions increase the size much?
Thanks
Hoping for more soon
Review By [LFW] • Date [30 Dec 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from grd
Review:
Awesome chapter. Hope you realize that their will be elements like the Trust who will do anything to prevent the world that Xan is working to create. A world that does not have currency is one they fear a world their great wealth becomes meaningless. They will do just about anything to stop Xander's vision. Vampires, demons, aliens are a minor threat compared to this as they are fellow humans. Hope Xan has contingency plans for this. The NID is but a small element. Imagine if the IRS and every despicable government trick where thrown at Xander. Bounty hunters, Tarakan assassins, and religious zealots. Enough to make him wonder if it was worth it. This is the real enemy in my opinion.
Comments from author:
That is a very good point. I would however point out that Xander and all of them don't know about the trust yet, as not even SG1 know about them arse munches... Will definately need to think about that for future chapters...
Review By [grd] • Date [29 Dec 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from Selias
Review:
Sorry it took me so long to review this chapter, but I wanted to get my other reading done before I got to the good ones. This was another fantastic chapter, and I hope to see more in the future.
Review By [Selias] • Date [29 Dec 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Tuesday" from CrystalBlaze
Review:
General Pierce.

You actually had Hawkeye stay in the frickin' Army? (Or is this his kid?)
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [28 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from CageFire
Review:
Really great fic. They might be slightly overpowered, but I'm not one to really complain about that. It does make things rather short, but I'm not exactly one for long drawn out fights either. Then again, on the other hand, xander and the gang kind of /have to/ be more powerful than others otherwise they wouldn't be able to fight off anybody trying to take advantage. I am looking forward to seeing what else happens on the MAU front. What else they might whip up.
Review By [CageFire] • Date [27 Dec 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from Genuka
Review:
You're really getting into the technical details.

Re:
You're getting just a tad to technical. I suggest going ahead and writing it all with the details but also writing a less detailed version. The less detailed version has more story than tech manual and a separate chapter devoted to only definitions and technical explanations for those interested in the details. Right now the technical details are almost drowning your story. There's a fine line between a technically correct written story and one that's more tech manual than story. Having a separate chapter or even story with all of the specs and details will allow you a little more freedom of movement and you'll get less bogged down in the details needed to explain virtually every single piece of equipment that you've got running. This is just a suggestion and as always because it is ^your^ story and ^not^ mine the final decision is yours. You have to try and occasionally take a step back and see it from the readers point of view. If you don't then all you have is a fictional manuscript and research paper centered around a plot that might possibly be considered a story. After all what are stories for? They are for many different things but in this case its most likely for the fun of it. As always enjoy yourself and if you don't like something I've told you then its your choice to either ignore it or follow it. This is ^your^ story. I have my own stories to worry about so why would I want to steal yours? *chuckle* Have fun!
Comments from author:
I hope that was a good thing? not too much detail?
Review By [Genuka] • Date [27 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from dapstccg
Review:
I've just re-read the entire story,and I think i've picked up on a discrepancy. In ch8, Xander is going over Teal'c's observations of a Hatak's speed (approx 1ly/day (~warp 6)), and in ch10, in the travel times to Chu'lak (~warp 80).

And from ch1, http://www.armchairconservative.com domain is for sale.

In spite of all that, great story and thanks for updating.


dapstccg
Review By [dapstccg] • Date [27 Dec 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from michaelangelo
Review:
Pleasant surprise to see an update. Have you thought about using the ds9 self replicating mine? not read other reviews so I don't know if anybody mentioned it before. crossing them with the VDA (Xander Mercenary?) would make any system too dangerous for a Goa'uld ship to enter. Cousin Bella in prison? is that a Harry Potter cross by any chance?.

Anyhow, sweet chapter, lovin it :)
Review By [michaelangelo] • Date [27 Dec 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from AlphaBeta
Review:
(Crying crokidial tires.) You updated!!!!! If you remember, I was the guy helping you with ideals! Its late here so I haved read all the new chapters yet. Will do it when I wake up in the morning. Please don't go so long next time!
Review By [AlphaBeta] • Date [27 Dec 10] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from IAMZIPPY
Review:
so are Jana and Xander related?
Comments from author:
Glad someone caught that. Yes, they are related, distantly, but it's not that either of them knows that...
Review By [IAMZIPPY] • Date [27 Dec 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Saturday II" from Bobboky
Review:
awesome
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [26 Dec 10] • Not Rated
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