Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from rfresa
Very nice. I like Dawn's portal power, but I really think the weather thing is redundant, plus wouldn't she have noticed it before now, and used it to help Buffy at some point? I would also have preferred to see her slowly discover how to use and develop her portal making skill over a few weeks at least with the Strongholds--perhaps over the summer before the next school year. It all happens too suddenly.
I can accept the "everyone knows about superheroes/supers know about the Slayer and Hellmouth" thing because there really isn't any way to mesh these two worlds, but other things just seem weird. Dawn is very OOC, for example. Maybe a bit more editing would help. Also, what are the Scoobies up to? They should come into the story at some point. I do want to see Dawn and Warren get together, so keep writing.
Comments from author:
I agree with most of your points, that's why I haven't updated in so long. I want to revamp the story, because when I re-read it not that long ago it was glaringly obvious that if someone else had written it I would have stopped reading after the second chapter.
Review By [rfresa
] • Date [12 Jul 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from theladyseraphina
Oh dear gods! You HAVE to update this.
Cant wait for more Spike in this verse.
Review By [theladyseraphina
] • Date [26 Jun 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from Almadynis
Review By [Almadynis
] • Date [15 Jun 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from Difdi
Great story so far, can't wait to read more.
And a little note to one of the other reviewers (kalahari):
Half bath is the proper term for a room containing a sink and toilet (at least according to the realtors who write the ads for selling houses in the USA). Why should a story set in the USA use regional slang like toilet, washroom, loo, etc, when the author can use the proper terminology?
Review By [Difdi
] • Date [3 May 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "A New Home" from kalahari
There are a few problems in chapter 2:
a) I had to look up "half bath". If you mean toilet (room) please write toilet; or loo, if you prefer that term.
b) Why wouldn't Dawn bring some stuff from Sunnydale like
- her bed, her favorite pillows, a chair, maybe an armchair, a dresser or a chest.
- the TV, the radio, the VCR, the DVD player and the stereo, if they have one.
- Buffy's weapon chest
- one or two of Joyce's artworks
I mean she wouldn't bring these if she went overseas, but while staying in the US, she should have.
c) Why would her aunt and uncle provide Dawn her own and new TV, VCR and computer?
This is really over the top. She might have them if she brought them from Sunnydale.
I would accept a new radio or a used stereo.
Comments from author:
Alright, Answers to your problems.
A) half bath is what you call a room with a toilet and a sink in the US. That is the proper terminology
B) Dawn was still in shock over her mothers death and everything has been placed in storage until such a time as she feels she can look it over.
C) The Strongholds have enough money they can buy her these things, so why shouldn't they? When my friend went to live with her grandmother, her grandmother bought her a new TV and DVD player instead of expecting her to bring them with her from home.
Thank you for your comments.
Review By [kalahari
] • Date [18 Nov 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from Joyful
This story is insane & quirky and I love it and want more!
Review By [Joyful
] • Date [11 Nov 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from liferscove
I love this. your writing this really well and I hope to see more of it soon.
Review By [liferscove
] • Date [8 Nov 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from SpacedCadet
Lots and lots of FUN!
I'm really enjoying this.
Review By [SpacedCadet
] • Date [7 Nov 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from PhoenixRae
Very good two chapters! Took me a while to get around to reading the update, and I see you haven't updated since July this year. Nevertheless, they were both good chapters and I'll patiently await til the next update. :)
Comments from author:
... oops. Hadn't realized it had been so long.
Review By [PhoenixRae
] • Date [28 Oct 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from athenethegoddess
i really like this story, i hope you update soon :D *offers chocolate as a bribe*
Review By [athenethegoddess
] • Date [16 Oct 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from DemonChildeKyra
*grins* I LOVE this!!!! More soon, please?
Review By [DemonChildeKyra
] • Date [10 Sep 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from stephaniebhall
Please, please continue!
Review By [stephaniebhall
] • Date [20 Aug 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from Obsidian
Have to say very interesting story. I like it.
Review By [Obsidian
] • Date [15 Aug 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from purplenymph
Just wanted to let you know i love the way you are writing Dawn, i feel you've really captured the essence of her. Can't wait for the next installment.
Review By [purplenymph
] • Date [25 Jul 08] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Strangers In The Night" from AonGealach
I really love this story!! I hope you update it soon because an original idea like this would go to waste if you quit writing!!
Review By [AonGealach
] • Date [25 Jul 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]