Hellboy belongs to Mike Mignola. Captain Fangirlhumper… err, J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe. Wish they were mine so I could do utterly retarded things to them and watch my bank account get steadily larger, but sadly not mine.Summary:
Hellboy meets a very strange individual while hard at work one night…Joe's Note:
This is something my artist and her girlfriend came up with one night. I'm going to be taking it if it goes any further (Cassie decided she didn't want to do more, but I was welcome to it) so I figured a little tweaking and posting it here would be good ideas.
The world is bleeding.
But feeling just fine,
All numb in our castle.
Where we're always free to choose,
Never free enough to find.
I wish something would break,
Cuz we're running out of time
And I am overcome…
I am overcome…
Holy water in my lungs…
I am overcome…'
The Good Samaritan in his smaller left hand, Hellboy sighed as he slowly made his way through the display room that supposedly contained the renegade demon. Looking around, his brow arched. Wasn't this the Machen Library? Where were all the books? Not that he was a big fan of them or anything; books were Abe's domain. But a library without books? What genius had come up with that idea?
Stooping down, Hellboy hooked one massive finger from his rocky right hand into an abandoned boot and lifted it into the air. Thick tendrils of slime squelched in protest, connecting it to the floor. "Mmm. Better hit the books, Brother Blue. We're definitely going to need more info on this one."
As he waited for Abe to page through the small collection they brought with them to each assignment, Hellboy slowly prowled the room in search of the entity. A sharp crack got his attention and he whirled, bringing his gun up to point it at… a blonde girl in a dress? He cocked the Samaritan. "Who the hell are you?"
Wide silvery eyes stared at him before the girl actually had the gall to GIGGLE at him. "You're a demon, aren't you? And you want to know who the 'hell' I am. That's funny."
"Oh yeah. Hilarious." Hellboy looked away from her for a moment, trying to spot any other movement in the room, before refocusing his attention on the girl. Maybe she was the entity? They'd told him it was caught on security cameras and was definitely in the room, but hadn't been nice enough to fill him in on what the thing actually looked like. Then again… she was a five and a half foot tall, waif thin girl who looked to be on the late end of her teenage years. And she'd appeared out of nowhere with some sort of teleportation. So maybe she wasn't the entity… but perhaps connected? He hated what if games. Heavy thinking was why he brought the BPRD boys along. "How about you tell me who you are before I decide you're a threat and my buddy the Good Samaritan here decides to help me get rid of y…"
Faster than Hellboy could ever hope to move, the blonde's hand whipped up to her head, pulling out a shaft of brown wood that he hadn't even notice tucked in against her ear. Stepping back, she brought it to bear on him. "Expelliarmus
!" What felt like a blow to the chest sent Hellboy stumbling back and he watched in disbelief as the handgun was torn from his grip, spiraling through the air before the blonde girl caught it in her free hand, sagging a bit under the weight. "Threatening to shoot people to get what you want is bad manners, Mister Demon. There's no reason we can't do this like two civilized people, is there?"
Hellboy sputtered a bit, lunging toward the girl in an attempt to reclaim his gun. She just tsked and dodged backward, avoiding him. "Listen, girl, there's a very dangerous demon loose in here. I need my gun!" That didn't seem to impress her as she dodged yet another of his forward advances and he groaned, reaching up to rub the stumps where his horns would be. Fine. He could fake polite. "Can I have my gun back PLEASE?"
"Well since you asked so nicely…" Flipping the gun in the air, the blonde caught it by the barrel and offered it to him handle-first. "And my name is Luna. Do you have a name, Mister Demon?"
Taking his gun back, Hellboy inspected it for a moment before grunting and nodding. "Call me Hellboy." Suddenly, it occurred to him that there was a random teenage blonde girl (evidently named Luna) who'd teleported into the middle of a secured situation with a type five entity on the loose. "How'd you get in here? And why?"
Luna held up her wand and her brow furrowed in concentration. Hellboy watched in disbelief as she vanished with a pop, reappearing about four feet to the right. "It's called apparition. I've visited the library before, so all I had to do was picture it in my head and I was here. And did you know there aren't any books here? Rather peculiar that they call it a library, don't you think?"
As much as he wanted to keep on task, Hellboy couldn't help but chuckle at someone voicing the very thing he'd thought upon entering the place. "You did hear the part where I said there was a dangerous demon, right?" Luna nodded and Hellboy's eyebrows rose. "And you're not… popping away or something?"
"Well it'd be awful hard to report about it if I didn't come and look around, wouldn't it?" Hellboy averted his eyes as she plunged one hand down the neckline of her dress, glad his red skin hid any blushing that may or may not have been occurring as she giggled at his discomfort. Something nudged against his right hand and he looked down, finding a business card. Luna Lovegood, Investigative Reporter, The Quibbler. Underneath that was a phone number and address, both from the United Kingdom. "Here. If you send a letter to the address, we can get you set up with a subscription to The Quibbler. Not sure how we'd deliver it to Hell, but I'm sure we could figure something out…"
Hellboy was momentarily distracted by the body heat he could still feel radiating from the card, before shaking his head and tucking the card away in his pocket. "Actually, I live in New Jersey."
Frowning, Luna pondered that one. "That's even harder. Owls refuse to go there. Well, part of my trip over here involved hiring a squib to deliver copies to interested individuals by car in the Tri-State area. Can't exactly send owls into New York high-rises and all. So… New Jersey? What exit?"
Their conversation was interrupted as a thick column of slime poured down from above them, hitting the floor with a sickening splat. "Excuse me for one second." Hellboy sighed and looked up, spotting the remains of what was presumably guard number six along with his prey. "Hey! Stinky! Kitchen's closed." The beast ignored him, munching noisily on the body it was clutching. "You've been busy tonight, haven't you? Six library guards, raw, plus belts and boots? Man, you're gonna need some heavy fiber to move that out…"
"Red, I found something." Hellboy kept most of his attention on the demon, sparing only a tiny bit as Abe nattered in his ear. "This entity's name is Sammael, the Desolate One. Son of Nergal, brother of…"
The corpse Sammael had been gnawing on hit the ground in front of him, followed by the demon itself, and that was enough for Hellboy. "Listen, Sammy. I'm not a very good shot, but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets. So, what do you say we work this out in a nice, peaceful…" Sammael turned and broke to Hellboy's right, forcing Luna to squeak and pop out of the way to avoid being trampled. "Aww crap."
Moving to his right, Hellboy squeezed the trigger again and again, spraying the room with the Samaritan's oversized rounds. Finally he got lucky, one connecting with the midsection of the dog-like demon and sending it sprawling to the floor. "Heh. That's it for you, Sam."
Turning away, Hellboy looked around, wondering where Luna had disappeared to. Before he could take a step, Abe's voice was in his ear again. "Red, you need to hear the rest of this information."
Holstering the Samaritan, Hellboy shook his head and began to walk away from Sammael. Who knew how far Luna could pop in one jump, or if she'd only taken one jump. She could be anywhere by now. And finding her was far more interesting than listening to Abe or staring at a corpse. "Nah, he's taken care of."
"No, listen to this." Abe pushed on, making Hellboy roll his eyes. "Sammael, the Desolate One, Lord of the Shadows, son of Nergal, Hound of Resurrection…"
That brought Hellboy up short and he turned to look back… at where Sammael no longer was. "See, I don't like that." Looking down at his Samaritan, he decided either specialized rounds or something even more powerful might be needed and turned back toward the entrance, behind which his father and the rest of the BPRD team was waiting. "Cut to the chase, how do I kill it?"
After a long moment of silence, Abe finally responded. "Hmm. Doesn't say."
Well wasn't that just great. Hellboy stopped in his tracks, debated with himself for a moment, then turned around yet again and decided to see if he could find where Sammael had gotten to. He'd find Sam, assess the situation, get any hardware he needed, THEN find Luna. There. Now that was a plan.
Or at least it was a plan until Sammael dropped from above, crouching for a moment before straightening up and delivering a backhand that sent Hellboy flying through the air to impact with the heavy door that separated him from the rest of the team. "Ouch."
Hellboy looked up, eyes widening as Sammael charged at him. Aww crap, this was gonna hurt. At the last moment, though, a familiar voice echoed through the room. "Incarcerous
!" Thick ropes shot through the air, wrapping around the demon and sending it crashing to the ground at Hellboy's feet. Luna advanced, eyes narrowed and wand pointed at her prey. "Get away from it, I don't want to hurt you."
"Hurt me?" Even as his body followed Luna's instructions, Hellboy felt a need to protest. "He just threw me across a room and into a door. Forget me, HE is going to hurt YOU!"
A slight grin on her lips, Luna shook her head. "No. He's not. Expecto patronum
!" Hellboy flinched back, covering his eyes as brilliant white light poured from the tip of her wand. On the floor, Sammael began to rock back and forth furiously, the ropes creaking and groaning before ultimately breaking under the pressure. Much to Hellboy's surprise, though, Sammael then turned and began to haul ass away from Luna while being pursued by… a glowing white rabbit?
This was going to be a mission report for the ages.
Whatever the glowing white rabbit was, though, Sammael sure wasn't too fond of it. As Hellboy watched in disbelief, the demon charged the large bank of windows at the far end of the room, crashing through them and out into the night… and a three-story drop. "Well that worked well. Now he's loose." Luna began to walk towards the broken windows and Hellboy rolled his eyes as he stomped after her. "Oh no you don't. You've caused me enough grief tonight. You're going to go hook up with Father and wait while the professionals take care of…"
Luna had just reached the windows and Hellboy lunged, grabbing her right arm with his more useful left hand. Rather than being alarmed or annoyed, though, Luna just grinned as she turned toward him, wrapping her right arm around his waist and pulling him in for a hug. "Going down?"
Before he could ask what she meant, Hellboy felt the most bizarre and uncomfortable sensation he'd been exposed to in his entire sixty years of life… almost as if he was being crammed through a tube far too tiny for his size. One moment they were in the library, though, and the next thing he knew they were in the alley outside. Huh. She'd popped him. Handy. "You're still staying here. This isn't your job."
"You can't stop me. Besides, you may be big and strong…" Luna trailed off, reaching up and pulling something out of her hair that sent it cascading down her back. Flicking her wand over the mystery object, the blonde grinned as it enlarged into… a broom? Hellboy gave her an incredulous stare as she dropped it on the ground before holding her hand out. "Up!" The broom floated up into the air and she mounted it, kicking off and hovering so they were face to face for the first time. "…but can you fly?"
From down the alley, Sammael roared. Hellboy looked at the demon hound before sighing and waving his oversized hand at her. "Fine, but if you get killed, it's not my fault. Go high, try to stay out of sight, and for God's sake, let's see if we can bring him down before someone gets eaten. Alright?"
John Myers chose that moment to open one of the back doors of the library, stumbling out into the alley. His eyes went wide as he took in Luna on her floating broom before slowly turning his attention to the one known factor. "Hellboy? What's going on?"
"Luna, this is my babysitter Myers. His job is to make sure I don't have any fun. Myers, this is Luna. Yes, she really is floating on a broom. Now go be a good boy and tell Father that Sammael has escaped and we're in pursuit." Myers' mouth opened in protest, but Hellboy raised up one hand. "Longer you stall me, more likely someone will get eaten." His mouth shut. "Good boy. C'mon Luna. Let's go kill a beasty."
With a whoosh, Luna ascended into the dark night sky and Hellboy grinned in spite of himself. That was a hell of a neat toy. Maybe they made ones big enough for him to ride… he could picture himself now, diving from above to rain the Samaritan's oversized rounds on demons. More feet from near where Myers was standing reminded him that unless he got moving, he'd be stuck nurse-maiding the entire BPRD team and so Hellboy took off running after Luna, flexing his legs and clearing a seven foot wall in a single bound as he gave pursuit.
The other side of the wall revealed an alley with a delivery truck parked in it, the dented roof of the truck being all the proof he needed to confirm he was heading in the right direction. Taking another running leap, Hellboy landed atop the truck and moved forward to stand on the cab, using the height to give him a better vantage point. A whistle from above turned out to be Luna, who pointed down into the crowd… where something was parting the mass of people like the Red Sea as it headed for the road. He flashed her a thumbs up before hopping down to the pavement and giving chase.
Unfortunately, Sammael made it as far as the road before they could stop him and surged out into the oncoming traffic. Hellboy cursed as the nimble demon danced back and forth between the cars and trucks before making it all the way across the road and continuing on to parts unknown. Looking up, he waved to get Luna's attention and motioned her on. That was when Myers caught up with him. "Look, you need to wait for the rest of us. Especially now that we're in a situation with civilians, there are protocols in place that say…"
"I'm not letting people get eaten by a damn demon dog just for protocols' sake, Myers! Now stay here!" Stepping out into traffic, he raised his massive right hand and flipped off the oncoming drivers, chuckling as they honked indignantly but slowed to allow him passage anyways. Halfway across the street, he turned and walked backwards so his hand was still to oncoming traffic and then he was across and in pursuit again.
Luna was waiting for him just out of sight, hovering over a grate that had been wrenched out of place. Subway access, he was betting. Nowhere for the beast to run except towards him or away… perfect shooting gallery. Nudging Luna, Hellboy gestured down at the hole. "Too scared to go in by yourself?"
Letting out a surprisingly unfeminine snort, Luna rose a bit higher on her broom. "No. Was going to offer to hover you down. If I'd known you wouldn't want help, I would have gone ahead. After all, I've never tried looking in subway tunnels for crumpled-horn snorkacks. This could be the day I finally find them." Tipping her broom down, Luna shot down the narrow shaft and quickly disappeared.
"Can't find crumpled-horn snorkacks, eh?" Hellboy shook his head as he listened for a few seconds, making sure he wasn't about to splatter himself across the front of an oncoming train. "Guess she really hasn't ever been to Jersey."
Jumping into the hole, Hellboy tucked his arms in as best he could to avoid slamming into a pipe or other obstruction. Thankfully, the shaft widened near the bottom and all too soon he was dropping through into the artificial tunnels that contained New York's subway system. Luna was waiting for him, floating a few feet above the tracks and staring off… at Sammael. The thing was waiting for them? Why?
Luna's eyes widened as a loud horn blast echoed through the tunnels and Hellboy's did likewise as a subway rounded the turn and began to bear down on them. "Oh hell. Luna, get out of the way. I'll try to go through… or under… or something." Even though she looked like she wanted to protest, the blonde nodded and rose up above the space the train would soon occupy, hugging herself against the ceiling as she watched and waited.
Well, at least one of them was safe now. Hellboy watched as Sammael turned and began to charge the train. "What the..?" At the last moment, the demon launched itself into the air, tearing the front door off the subway car and lunging inside. "Crap." Running towards the train, Hellboy attempted to follow suit… only to feel the train slam into his chest, driving him onto his back as it raced overhead. "Oww."
After what felt like an eternity but was probably twenty seconds of noise and wind, the subway passed completely over him and disappeared off into the dim tunnel, leaving Hellboy with Sammael and "Hey Luna, you alright up there?"
"More alright than you are down there." Luna grinned down at him as she flew over Sammael, spinning around to pen the demon in between the two of them. "Do you want to try and kill it again or is it my turn?"
Drawing the Samaritan and checking his ammo, Hellboy waved his free hand before leaning against the wall and getting to work. "Oh no, you have fun. I'll be over here reloading so I can kill it when you're done failing."
Luna huffed and drew her wand again. "Don't know who you're used to having around for help… but ask anyone who knows me. When I want to do something, I get it done." Jabbing the slim stick at Sammael, she chanted the same word three times. "Stupefy
!" Three bursts of red light shot from her wand, bracketing the demon before the third went right down the middle. Unfortunately for her, Sammael was too smart and dodged backwards to avoid the last. "Bugger."
"So, about that failing business…" Chuckling, Hellboy pulled out the remains of his last cigar and stuck it in his mouth, using his Zippo to light up. "You done yet? Gun's all loaded and ready."
There was no response, and then Samaritan gave an odd throb in his hand. Hellboy looked up to find Luna with her eyes closed, brow furrowed in concentration. Slowly, an aura of white light erupted around her body, enveloping her completely and then extending out into a pair of ethereal white wings of energy that spread behind her. An angel, he realized. What in the world was she..? "Sanctus espiritus
Nothing happened for several long seconds and Hellboy was a moment away from mocking another bout of failure when a roar rolled through the tunnels and a column of white light erupted from the tip of her wand. It struck Sammael head-on and there was an unearthly howl as the demon burned in what Hellboy could feel was pure holy magic. In his hands, the Samaritan continued to thrum softly in approval right up until the moment the light died, leaving behind a skeleton of blackened bones where Sammael had once been. The bones crumbled into dust as Hellboy blinked to get his eyes readjusted to the dim light of the tunnel, and then he heard a soft whisper from Luna. "Catch me."
Hellboy dashed forward as Luna tipped sideways off her floating broom, catching the comparatively tiny blonde as she plummeted to earth. Cradling her with his large right arm, he shook his head. "I take it back. That was pretty impressive. Although I'm not sure how useful it is if it kicks your ass like this when you use it. What if Sammael had brought a buddy?"
"I'm sure you'd manage to buy some time for me to recover by shooting it fruitlessly a few times." Luna gave a soft chuckle and wriggled in his arms, bringing her wand up to tap her necklace. One of what he'd assumed were just tiny glass trinkets enlarged into a long glass vial full of red liquid and she pulled it free. Uncorking it, Luna knocked back the contents and waited for a moment, face slowly flushing darker and darker red before steam erupted from her ears. "Ahh. Much better."
Luna tossed the vial to the ground where it broke with a tinkle of glass, her skin returning to its normal pallor. "Pepper-Up Potion. Normally for colds and the like, but it works on general exhaustion too." Then, much to his surprise, she snuggled in and rested her head on his shoulder, staring up at his cigar. "Filthy habit. Even if you are a demon and it doesn't affect you, it can't be good for me. Put it out."
Much to his surprise, Hellboy found himself pulling the cigar from his mouth and stubbing it out against his rocky arm before tucking it away. Even Father and Liz hadn't been able to cure him of his vices completely, and it'd taken Liz far longer than twenty minutes to earn the right to order him around. Who was this girl, and was she really human? Maybe she was some sort of succubus, sent to… make him stop smoking? No, that didn't make a lick of sense. Grr. So now what?
The pair fell silent as Luna gently ran her fingers over the cracks and grooves of his Right Hand of Doom; her gently breathing and dripping water the only things he could hear. Suddenly, something on her started to beep, startling them both, and her eyes widened as she checked her watch. "Oh my. I need to get back to the hotel and file my report about all this with Daddy, or else he won't be able to print it in next week's Quibbler." Hellboy again was made aware of her penchant for storing things in her shirt as her hand dipped down, pulling a Sharpie out and uncapping it. Grabbing his rocky right hand, she scribbled a ten-digit number and her name in loopy script. "There. I'll be here all this week and next if you wanna talk. Ta."
Luna disappeared from his arms with a little pop, leaving Hellboy with a pile of demon dust, a phone number on his hand, and no clue how the hell he was going to get back home without being spotted by a whole lot of people… more than he'd already been seen by, that was. "Myers?"
"Hellboy!" His new handler sounded more relieved than Hellboy had been once he'd regained the ability to evacuate his bowels after that 'order that five large pizza special and eat it all himself' experiment. "Where are you? What's going on with Sammael? Where's the witch?"
Holding up his hand, Hellboy read off the number written on it. "Where is that, Myers?"
There was near silence as Myers muttered to someone else, passing on the number and an explanation as to the origin of the query. After a minute or so, the answer came back. "Suite in a hotel. Pretty expensive hotel at that. Why?"
Looking down at his red locator beacon, Hellboy frowned and traced the deactivation button with one finger. He could turn it off and run off like he always did, trying to get in a little time with the woman who'd gone and taken up residence at the loony bin to get away from him. He was predictable enough, though, that the agents would be there shortly thereafter and he'd be right back on his way to New Jersey for a new round of punishment from his father.
On the other hand… Luna Lovegood had looked at him the same way Liz had used to, before she'd found out the BPRD was a way of life and not just a job. She was supernatural, like he was, and she wasn't afraid of him. Far from it, judging from the flirty way she interacted with him. Or he thought she was flirting, at any rate. Not that he was particularly experienced in that area. Hmm. Maybe he should talk to Father about that when he got home… after visiting Luna, that was. Assuming he could figure out how to get there. And out of the subway, for that matter.
Hellboy began to tick points off on his fingers as he spoke, even though he knew Myers wouldn't be able to see him. "I'm in the subway tunnels and don't know how to get out. Sammael's toast; the witch fried him with some sort of holy magic. And she's in a suite at a pretty expensive hotel, evidently, which is where I'm going as soon as I figure out how to get out of here."
"Listen, Myers, I ride around inside a garbage truck. Do you know how hard it is to meet women when your only wheels say 'Squeaky Clean Waste Management' on the side? Either have Father arrange a 'sanitation pickup' at the hotel or I'll go on my own. Now get off the line so one of the trackers can guide me out of here before I get hit by a damn train."
There. That ought to do it.